Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #585

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
Three old men were sitting around and talk- ing.
The 80 year-old said, “The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again.”
The 85 year-old said, “The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel move- ment. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it’s still a problem.”
Then the 90 year- old said, “That’s not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement.”
The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and deter- mined to keep the
ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place anadinthe newspaper for a ranch hand...
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decid- ed to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go
into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watch- ing her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, hedidashewas told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.
Australian Man Puts On 10 Pairs of Underpants In 13.03 Seconds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7yaaOElnto
By Ben Hooper
Dec. 29 (UPI) -
- An Australian man said it took six months of training to break an unusual world record: the fastest time to put on 10 pairs of underpants.
Nicholas Manning of Brisbane said he always wanted to break a Guinness World Record, and he eventually settled on attempting the underpants don- ning title.
Manning said it took him six months of prac- tice to develop and refine his technique.
He successfully broke the record with a time of 13.03 seconds.
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