Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #580

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
My new neighbor, Hans, just moved to the states from Norway and was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer, "I saw a big sign with 66 on it."
"That's highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.
Hans replied, "You should have seen me yesterday on Highway 110!"
A married couple were enjoying a luxury South Sea cruise until their liner was ship- wrecked and they were washed ashore on a desert island, the only survivors.
Day after day, they looked hope- fully out to sea in the hope of spot- ting a passing vessel but none came. As bore- dom set in, they started to think about their home back in Arizona.
The wife asked, “Did you remem- ber to pay the final installment
on the Chevrolet before we came away?”
“No, honey, I clean forgot. Sorry.”
”Did you remem- ber to pay the electric bill before we left home?”
“No, I completely forgot. Sorry.”
”Did you remem- ber to pay the gas bill?”
”Do you know, that slipped my mind, too. Sorry.”
“And did you remember to pay the six-monthly tax bill?”
”I knew there was something impor- tant I had to do. I’m really sorry honey.”
”Well, at least there’s one good thing,” sighed the wife.
“What’s that?” ”They’ll find us.”
Little Johnny's father took him on a fishing trip to Canada.
On returning
home after catch- ing only three fish his father says, "The way I figure it each fish cost us $400!"
Little Johnny replied, "Well, at that price it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more of them than we did."
A man sees an ad for a $50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgement, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad.
He opens the door to a small office and is knocked uncon- scious from behind. He wakes up tied to a barrel floating in the Atlantic Ocean. "Well, this sucks," he thinks out loud.
A second man floats by, also tied to a barrel. "Tell me about it," the second man replies. "This is worse than last year."
Instagram Star's Gurning Ability Breaks World Record
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_8wmz8kNOg
By Ben Hooper
Oct. 11 (UPI) -
- A 22-year-old Internet star broke an unusual Guinness World Record by pulling his lower lip over his nose -- known as gurning -- and holding the posi- tion for 1 minute and 2 seconds.
New Orleans resident Jovante Carter, aka HolyGxD on Instagram, showed off his signature trick on the Milan set of Guinness World Records' Italian TV series Lo
Show dei Record.
"When perform- ing this trick with the face, you can't breathe," Guinness World Records adjudi- cator Marco Frigatti said. "Effectively you need to suspend your breath, and also all the mus- cles involved get really tired."
Carter managed to hold his gurn- ing position for 1 minute and 2 seconds, break- ing the record of 53 seconds set by China's Shuquan Tang in
2012.
Carter said he learned he had a talent for making the unusual face when he was in third grade.
"I was eating lunch and my classmate told me that when I eat, my whole face disappears," Carter told GWR. "He asked me to chew without food, and I chewed, and I did this thing with my face! Everyone laughed obvious- ly, and my teacher went crazy."
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine