Page 17 - IAV Digital Magazine #553

iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine
A married couple is cruising down the highway at 60 mph.
The wife is driv- ing. Her husband looks at her and says, "the mar- riage has been going for thirty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, just keeps looking at the road, but slowly raises her speed to 65 mph.
"I don't want you to stop me," The husband explains,
"because I've had an affair with your best friend,
and she is way better in bed than you!"
Keeping calm, the wife grips the steering wheel more tightly as she slowly increases the speed to 75.
He pushes his luck. "I wanna have the house!" he shouts... Up to 80.
"And the car, too!" he adds.
85 mph. "And I'll have all the credit cards, the bank accounts,
and the boat!" She starts steer- ing the car towards a sub- stantial concrete bridge.
Getting anxious, the husband asks her,
"Do you want anything??"
The wife responds in a soft, calm voice.
"No, I've got all I need," she says.
"Oh, yeah? " he asks, "so, what do you have?"
Just before they crash into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and grins. "The airbag."
"An old lady gets stopped over for speeding"... Older Woman: Is there a problem, officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speed- ing.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license, please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you, but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it five years ago for drunk driv- ing.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle regis- tration papers, please?
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
He looks at the woman, walks away, and calls for backup. Six cop cars circle the car within min- utes. Slowly a senior officer approaches the car, with his gun half-drawn.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle, please!
The woman steps out of her car. Older woman: Is there a problem, sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you had stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please.
The trunk is empty when the woman opens it.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers said that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out a clutch purse, and gives it to the officer.
The officer checks out the license. He looks a little confused.
Officer 2: Thank you, ma'am; one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you killed and hacked up its owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar said I was speeding, too.
National Dog Day Has Encouraged Adoption Since 2004
By Ben Hooper
Aug. 26 (UPI) -
- National Dog Day, celebrated annually on Aug. 26, was founded by an animal advocate in 2004 to encourage adoption.
The holiday
was founded in 2004 by Colleen Paige, an animal welfare advocate and family lifestyle expert, and the date Aug. 26 was chosen because it is the day Paige adopted her first dog at the age of 10.
"Our mission is
to help galvanize the public to rec- ognize the num- ber of dogs that need to be res- cued each year and acknowl- edges family dogs and dogs that work self- lessly each day to save lives, keep us safe and bring comfort," the holiday's website states.
National Dog Day was officially recognized by the New York State Senate in a 2013 resolu- tion.
Paige founded a number of other holidays, includ-
ing National Cat Day, National Pet Day and National Wildlife Day.
Other holidays and observances for Aug. 26, 2022, include Congressional Startup Day, Forgive Your Foe Friday, Make Your Own Luck Day, Musical Yoga Day, National Cherry Popsicle Day, National Toilet Paper Day, National Webmistress Day, Women's Equality Day and World Daffodil Day.
iAV - Antelope Valley Digital Magazine