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168 SPIRIT AND THE MIND
I was, what life was about, and had even tricked myself into thinking that I was happy. But how could I be, thinking that I was this transient, limited body—a strange accident existing briefly between life and death—alone in a meaningless abyss of emotionless physical laws governing a vast, cold, unfeeling material universe? Coming from such a dry and lifeless place, how can I now even begin to measure the gift that Baba has given me? I am atma—I am the infinite consciousness and boundless love that permeates and sustains everything.
That thou art—tat twam asi. What a glorious awakening, to realize, “so-hum, so-hum,” He am I; and that the consciousness, the love—the “I” and the “He”—are our Lord Sathya Sai. The only way to express gratitude for such a gift is to lay one’s life down as a flower at Baba’s lotus feet. I pray he grants us the strength of character and fullness of love to render our lives worthy of the offering.
This is my eighth trip to India and I am beginning to feel as if India were my home. One reason for coming this time was to witness first-hand the Mahashivarathri holiday with Baba. This must be just about the holiest event of the year, dedicated to our deepest yearning inside: to merge with God. And what great monumental grace, that Shiva himself has come to be with us during this holy time, showing us through the miraculous creation of the lingam that the entire cosmos was formed by an act of his divine will. Whenever, wherever, has such a holy event taken place? His gift is beyond measure. The egg-shaped lingam truly symbolizes his divine attributes: that which is infinite, without beginning and without end; that from which all forms come, and to which all forms must return; that in which all forms merge.
Baba tells us that vibuthi is the most precious object in the truly spiritual sense. Shiva burned the God of desire into a heap of ashes, then adorned himself with that ash and thus shone in his glory as the conqueror of desire. Through the attributes of renunciation and detachment, symbolized by vibuthi, desire is destroyed and thus love reigns supreme. So it is fitting that the electrifying ceremony of the Vibuthi Abheshekam should occur early on Mahashivarathri day. It is through this act that Baba shows us how to offer Shiva our triumph over tantalizing desire by cultivating the attitudes of renunciation and detachment.