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I couldn’t relieve the knot in my stomach and the apprehension in my mind. I tried distraction, suppression, chanting, and fitful sleeping, but my ego aachment to my reputation and fear of tarnishing it was too strong to release. I didn’t want to fail in front of Swami, and I also had a desire to be respected by my peers. I worried.
On the morning of the presentation I faced additional stress. Scheduled to meet in the Poornachandra Auditorium, we were unexpectedly directed to Kulwant Hall. Then I was told to be ready immediately even though my talk was planned for the aernoon. So I began sweating. This turned out to be a false alarm, and I learned that I would be the first speaker in the aernoon. I went back to my room to sweat some more.
Walking alone to the Poornachandra Auditorium before the talk, I had an inner chat with Swami and placed myself completely in his hands. Then I entered the hall and was called to the podium. On my way, I bowed to the chair that was set up for Swami (though he did not appear for this talk) and felt a surge of confidence. I was happy to find that my talk was delivered clearly and coherently, and gave myself a passing grade.
Following this incident there were a number of other situations in which I was more successful at releasing the outer stressful experience. Detachment brought an increase in the inner experience of light and bliss. At this point my inner life became so alive and absorbing that I wondered if I was beginning to experience the awakening of kundalini energy.
Sai Baba’s Hip Injury
Aachment to objects in the outer world is an obstacle to finding inner divine love. The outer object most difficult for us to detach from is our own body. Detaching from our bodies is tantamount to detaching from the whole outer world. Free from body aachment we open to inner divine love and achieve the non-dual stage of being one with the light; I and the light
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