Page 89 - Cormorant 2019

the form with your English telephone number). Much of it unintentionally, simply because the forms do not support formats that differ from the English ones.
With a bit of run around, patience and mental acrobatics things are usually possible, especially using the awesome cheating power of applying a healthy dose of “Better Call Angie Curtis”.
Language skillz
The next thing we discovered is that very few people in this country actually speak English. Curiously I have found that the ones who are the easiest to understand are people that migrated to England
and for whom English is a secondary language. To replace the language it seems every town or grouping has invented their own accent that is only in loosest of terms based on the English language.
I have also found it strange that if you ask someone to repeat something you did not understand, underlining that you are a foreigner, they will do so with the same accent and speed as they did the first time! If elderly, they will often speak louder as well. As an experiment I have tried over pronouncing the Danish accent to give the impression that my English skills were very basic. The result was that those I met spoke with their own accent at the same speed and incoherence as before.
Basically I have found that nodding while smiling will get most people to go away satisfied. Afterwards you can figure out what they meant. Incidentally that tactic has been proven rather successful when dealing with superiors as well.
Quantum Queuing
Queuing has reached a peak concept in the UK.
I made a serious cultural blunder one of the first weeks. I was in an electronics store late, and there were no other consumers. I found what I needed
and went to the register. The closer I got, the more nervous the clerk became. When I looked back I realised there was a sign saying “queue here”. With no other costumers I had elected the shortest and most direct route. That was a mistake. The poor clerk
avoided eye contact and looked more flustered than a princess in a port side tavern. Took him three tries to even use the register correctly.
After a bit of deliberation I came up with the reason. Because I circumvented the queue line I made the terrible mistake of not allowing for a queue to be formed. Even if I was the only costumer in the store, taking the queue line would have made a queue of one exist for a very short while, or at least the idea
of a queue. In effect I had shattered the concept of a queue, without actually having the basis for a queue or one present. Philosophically it can be summarized in “If there are not enough people for a queue, following the concept of a queue will enable the quantum queue to exist as an idea”.
Ever since I have tried my best to follow the lines through whatever mazes are set up with clear signs to direct, the often not-existing, queues. Even if that often means prolonging shopping.
Attempt of a summary
The United Kingdom is a great place for a prolonged stay. Truly amazing and very visible history, very inclusive people used to multinational culture and some of the best food in the world. Well, not the local food of course; the curry!
Driving in the UK is not really problematic. Except for getting used to sitting in the wrong side, driving in the wrong side, and not trying to switch gear by banging your hand against the door.
While moving here has been with its hiccups, the whole family is enjoying the experience. The only question remaining now is: Will my dog be deported after BREXIT?
This is what we do...
and who we are...
DESIGN & PUBLISH
t 01536 317000
e jayne@crestpublications.com w www.crestpublications.com
PAGE 87