Page 30 - WTP Vol.X #8

The Ideal Audience (continued from preceding page) ‘abusive’ and missed the next three sessions.
Nini didn’t realize how worried she was until Livy finally showed up. After that, it took her four months to mention Stan Lipinski, a friend of her father’s who routinely slept with underage girls, and another two to admit that twice, when she was fifteen, her father had left her alone with him to go off with one of his girlfriends. “He won’t lay a finger on you,” her father had promised, and Stan hadn’t because her father had something on him, Livy didn’t know what, that could land Stan in jail. She swore to Nini that Stan had never touched her, but said that once they were alone, he had stalked her, undressing her with his eyes. Both nights, he disappeared into his basement with a bottle of whiskey, and she heard him pounding his punching bag beneath her until he passed out. Livy insisted that she hadn’t been scared, but Nini didn’t believe her.
~
Today was Livy’s last session before her father flew in from California for a family meeting. A month earlier, Ian had accused her of moving too slowly. She needed a new therapist, he’d said. Or maybe she’d already found another guy. Angry at Ian but scared, Livy had called her father and asked him to come to therapy.
“I’m not cheating on Ian,” she’d told Nini, her lips pressed thin. “I wouldn’t. I love my father, but I don’t want to be him.”
“I believe you.” Nini had said, and Livy relaxed.
Since then, she’d been all over the place, one minute blaming her father for her screwed up life, the next her mother and, finally, herself. She had no idea what she wanted to say or do in their session with her father. Yell at him for all the terrible things he’d done? Accuse him of being an awful father? Heap so much blame on him that he couldn’t deny anything? In the end, she decided she wanted to ask him why he was so messed up and how he could have left her with a child molester. To listen to what he had to say. Worried that she would need more time, Nini had urged a double session, but Livy declined, saying, “It would be too much for him.”
~
As she spoke, a memory swept through Nini: Rome, the Vatican, thirty years before, Jack disappearing into the dark of the Sistine Chapel with a female friend they’d met for the day. Jealousy, and then fear
that they’d snuck off somewhere without her when she couldn’t find them, had flamed inside Nini like a bushfire. The biggest danger of all turned out to be her reckless imagination, although she wondered now if that moment had been an early portent. Jack had left her for another woman, something Nini had not thought possible.
~
Livy wriggled around in her chair, her right leg bobbing as she chewed on a strand of violet hair. A large golden sun tattoo swirled around her left thigh. Nini wished she could reassure her. “You’ll like him,” Livy said, shielding her eyes from the afternoon sun. “Everyone but my family does. He’s smart. Charming. Outgoing.”
The last thing Nini needed was another charmer. She steadied herself and focused on Livy. “How are you feeling about next week?”
“Good. Nervous.” She looked sheepish. “I’m afraid I’ll hurt him.”
“It’s not your job to protect him. He’s the parent. Besides, he made it clear that he wants to help you.”
“But I’m setting him up. Tricking him. He didn’t even ask why I wanted him to come.”
“You wanted to ask him about Stan Lipinski, remember? How he could have left the two of you alone.”
“I know why.”
“Yes, but did he think about you?”
“He needed to get away from my mother. I told you that.” Livy kicked off her sandals and curled her red toenails under her feet. “My mother’s a bitch. Half the time she refuses to speak to him.”
“Maybe she doesn’t want to hear what he has to say.”
“She has no idea what he’s going to say. She doesn’t care.”
“Have you noticed, Livy, how quick you are to defend your father? You need to think about that.”
Livy closed her eyes and clamped her hands over her ears. “Stop being such a therapist. You’re driving me crazy.”
Nini leaned forward. Adjusted her right arthritic hip.
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