Page 68 - WTP Vol. IX #10

$300 in crumpled bills. Is it much? To a child, yes. To an adult, it depends on their financial circum- stances. To a millionaire, no. To a billionaire, it’s neg- ligible. To an addict, it’s gone when they touch it. Lora Fritz was not an addict, who earned $68,780 as a high school English teacher. She was never an enthusias- tic educator, yet still wore a shirt that proclaimed: “Teachers Are Superheroes In Disguise!” She propa- gated her position to garner admiration, because she was an attention whore. She tried to get on reality shows, but was never chosen. It had to happen soon, because those shows loved young hot babes, and her looks were deteriorating by the second. Unfortunate- ly, no Jennifer Lopez gene was inside of her pool.
Back to the $300. In the inflation age, $300 had minimal buying power. It was negligible to someone like Lora, as one can see from her financial overview below:
-$300 can be put into a savings account to become $301 after twenty years of compound interest.
-$300 can get 555 cans of Great Value beans.
-$300 can get 2 years of Netflix.
-$300 pays the July water bill at her parent’s house.
-$300 covers her annual roundtrip flight to Miami.
-$300 can get 4500 sticks of Extra Bubble Gum.
-$300 was 1/6 of her rent check to share a pad in Manhattan.
-$300 was a dent in the $19,740.95 of credit card debt she was in.
-$300 was a smaller dent in the $27,009.89 she owed on her BMW.
-$300 was insignificant to the $13,1421.86 of her student loans.
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Meredith Laugen was one of Lora’s favorite students, earner of top grades, star of the lacrosse team, popu- lar amongst her peers. Nobody could say anything negative about her. She was killed when a drunk driver rammed into her while she walked her dog, the terrified terrier somehow surviving. The com- munity was devastated. Counselors were dispatched,
memorials erected, the lacrosse season dedicated to her memory, a GoFundMe set up.
Lora rallied against the GoFundMe, because Go- FundMe charged 2.9% and $.30 per donation, and started her own fund to be given directly to Mere- dith’s family. Her fund never took off. People pre- ferred to donate to the GoFundMe, because that was the cool way to do it. Some even made Instagram videos of their donations, bragging about their generosity, like somebody actually cared about the magnanimity of giving $10. She still managed to col- lect $300, but she never gave Meredith’s parents the money. On the GoFundMe the family made $200k, more than sufficient.
Below are four of the many ways the situation could unfold for our unlikable protagonist. No way can anybody root for her, unless you’re a psycho, and if that’s the case, get your pom-poms and root along.
How It’ll Likely Go
Lora went to Lululemon and used the $300 to buy herself leggings.
A “Philanthropist”
Lora was grocery shopping at CVS, her cart filled with yogurt, pretzels and almond butter. She won- dered what to eat for dinner, with nothing appetizing in the frozen section. She figured she would make a date on Tinder with an uggo for a free meal, with the hope he wasn’t a stalker. Chivalry wasn’t dead, and she exploited it.
“Ms. Fritz?” a mousy looking woman asked.
Lora looked over, not recognizing the woman, but feeling familiar. “I’m Meredith’s mother. I remember you from Parent/Teacher conferences. Meredith wanted to be a teacher just like you when she grew up. You inspired her.”
In the year since Meredith was killed, the woman aged decades. Her hair went from brown to white, reminiscent of Leyland Palmer in Twin Peaks. Her voice turned meeker, as a defeated woman exist-
ing through life with debilitating emptiness. Lora was unsure if Meredith’s mom meant the part about inspiring Meredith, because she inspired nobody with her lazy instruction of busy work and putting on movies. Only when being observed could she be
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$300?
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