Page 55 - WTP Vol. X #7

could only say that sometimes cancers do go into spontaneous remission. “Each of us have our own immune system,” he said. Again he marveled at the body’s wisdom, the ability of an individual’s immune system to restore one to health. “Let’s hope it lasts,” he said, “Let’s continue the three month labs and we’ll keep an eye on things.” I felt great: lighter, more energetic, mentally clearer, and grateful to whatever had taken hold of me, “burning me up” and sending me to the ER, grateful to the doctors in the hospital, grateful to whatever entity — my immune system, my guardian angel, had somehow left me healthier than I’d been in years.
Of course I am aware that this is just what an old man needs, especially in the very month he is retir- ing: the illusion of renewal, of a fresh start, whether granted by metaphysical or microbial beings. And it was spring! Even so, does that invalidate the experi- ence of renewal? If you remove subjectivity from
the calculus, if you exorcise the imagination and enshrine the remainder as truth, you’re left with
the kind of data-driven discourse that starts with what happened last time, and tries, via statistics and probability, to determine what we might reasonably expect next time—the statistician as haruspex, the result sufficient unto itself. But when we want to talk about what we have experienced, we are back to the question of language, of metaphor, of how we think and feel about events; in a phrase, “what we make of them.” Metaphor is the language of spirit.
So I am still here with the question: What happened to me? Sodium crashed, potassium deficient, body burnt up with fever—was this the result of a lapse in the immune system’s protection, allowing an invader to enter?
We still talk in militarist terms about it; the immune system is said to “fight germs,” meaning harmful bacteria. But we have come to find that other bacteria are essential to our well-being. The same
is likely true of viruses. The immune system is immeasurably complex. It doesn’t just repel invaders like some 80’s video game, it attempts to repair disruption and disequilibrium. It may be that some viruses are the allies that the immune system calls upon for help.
I realize that with Covid-19 still claiming millions of lives around the world, it may not be the best time to explore the salutary potential of viruses. (“Jeez, read the room, man!”) But still. The angel of
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“Ifelt I had been visited by a terrifying angel.
I began to describe it to friends as being seized and bound and shaken, hard, before whatever entity had taken me into custody final- ly let me go.”
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