Page 10 - Storytelling - Storylistening

IV. Listening: The Silent Half of Reminiscing and Storytelling
Cultivate Silence
It actually is a lot of work to be fully present in the moment, to suspend our assumptions, prejudices and extraneous activities so we can listen and understand. Work requires muscle, and one way to build your listening muscle is to cultivate silence, says Lindahl.
“If you practice being silent every day, it’s much easier to go into that mode when you’re not distracted by other voices, you’re only listening to the one who is speaking,” she explains.
Meditate, listen to music, read a poem, take a leisurely walk – each person should practice what works best for him in turning down the internal and external chatter and making room for silence.
If you feel you are too busy to cultivate silence, “start out with just one minute a day to meditate or focus on your breathing. Anybody can do that,” she urges.
Listen from the Heart
Learn to listen from the heart: suspend your own agenda and give full attention to the speaker without thinking how to respond or about the next task ahead, she advises. And do not assume you know what the person means, but ask for clarification if you are not sure you understand.
“It comes down to actually being interested in what the individual is saying, and having a sense of curiosity or wonder about that person,” she says.
Such are the building blocks of trust, so important in coaxing conversation from elders who rarely speak.
Sometimes, merely remaining silently in their presence, being patient and appropriately touching them encourages quiet elders to open up.
As a nurse, “I remember walking by and standing beside someone in bed and holding their hand, just being there, developing a relationship of trust over time and not talking a whole lot myself,” she says.
Sitting face-to-face with the elder so she can clearly see you lets her know you are listening. Touching the elder’s face can sometimes help elicit trust and conversation.
“But you have to be really careful because that’s a very intimate touch,” warns Lindahl.
Porch Swing SeriesTM Culture Change Workbooks ©Action Pact, Inc.2005-2006 p.6