Page 443 - Practical English Usage 3ed - Michael Swan, Oxford

politeness (2): distancing verb forms 436
conversation with strangers or people we do not know well. Please makes an order or instruction a little more polite, but does not tum it into a request. The following structures can be used perfectly correctly to give orders, instructions or advice, but they are not polite ways of requesting people to do things.
Please answer by return of post. Please help me for a few minutes. Help me, would you?
Carry this for me, please.
3 shops, restaurants etc
You ought to tell me your plans. You should shut the door.
You had better help me.
Requests in shops, restaurants etc are usually more direct, and are not always expressed as questions. Typical structures:
Can I have one o f those, please? I'd like to see the wine list, please.
Could I have a look at the red ones? I would prefer a small one.
Give me ..., please and I want . .., please are not normally considered polite. But in places where only a few kinds of thing are sold and not much needs to be said, it is enough just to say what is wanted and add please.
'The Times', please. Two cheeseburgers, please. Black coffee, please. Return to Lancaster, please.
4 negative questions
Negative questions (see 36B) are not used in polite requests. Could you give me a light? (NOT C81:dtln'tytnt gifle ",ea light?
this sounds
like a complaint':')
But negative statements with question tags are used in informal requests.
You couldn't give me a light, could you?
I don't suppose you could give me a light, could you? (very polite)
5 expressions of opinion
Expressions of opinion can also be made less direct by turning them into questions. Compare:
It would be better to paint it green. (direct expression of opinion) Wouldn't it be better to paint it green? Oess direct: negative question asking
for agreement)
Would it be better to paint it green? (open question - very indirect)
For other rules of 'social language', see 545.
436 politeness (2): distancing verb forms 1 past tenses: How much did you want to spend?
We can make requests (and also questions, suggestions and statements) less direct (and so more polite) by using verb forms that suggest 'distance' from the immediate present reality. Past tenses are often used to do this.
How much did you want to spend, sir? (meaning 'How much do you want to spend?')
How many days did you intend to stay? (meaning'... do you intend .. .') I wondered ifyou were free this evening.
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