Page 57 - MN

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Comedian Faces Bears and Lives to Tell About It
I was playing the lounge at the Antler's Plaza Hotel in Colorado Springs and it wasn't going well. I was trying desperately to become more than a barroom entertainer by introducing original, subtle material into my shows. Guess what. People drinking in bars aren't clamoring for original, subtle material. They want to bust loose and have a good time. So I was struggling.
One morning after a particularly bad night I decided to get a good book, take it out into the woods, and spend the day reading in peace. I bought a Horatio Hornblower novel, always a good choice, got in my car and headed out of town into the forests of Colorado. I parked at a campground, grabbed my book and headed into the woods. I walked for quite awhile, found a good tree to lean against, and sat down to read my sea-going adventure. It was peaceful. I was immersed in the Hornblower escapades. Perfect.
That's when I heard shots.
They were off in the distance but I suddenly remembered a couple of guys in the bar talking about the start of hunting season and realized this was it. Well, crap. There I was in my brown jacket, with long brown hair, and people were looking for deer to shoot. I sprang to my feet and ran back to the campground.
There was a little hill just before the campground and I came charging over it and then went into cartoon mode. You know where the character is running, sees something scary and his legs go into reverse while he's still moving forward? That was me. In the campground near my car was a garbage can and surrounding it were three bears. They were every bit as startled as I was and by the time I stopped we all stood frozen, the bears, startled, on their hind legs staring at me and me, in terror, staring at them.
I then repeated my bear zen mantra, "Oh shit, shit, shit, shit...." and edged ever so slowly to the car, trying to get it between me and the bears. I finally made it, somehow got the key in the lock, opened it, jumped inside and slammed the door shut. I then sat there and repeated my mantra about fifty more times as I waited for my body to stop shaking. Eventually I was able to drive back to the