Page 29 - #LoveWarrior

I proceeded to explain that the first step of her journey was going to require her to accept the loss of the relationship
and the discomfort of a schedule without him. I told her to not deny her feelings of pain and sorrow. Of regret. Of
anger. And most importantly, I told her not to deny her feeling of love toward him. After all, somewhere along the
way, he had won her heart. I cautioned her to not spend too much time in any one emotion, because she needed to
choose a path toward growth and healing, not bitterness and hate. I didn't want that for her. I want her to love again,
even on a greater scale than she did with this man. I want her to experience love with a man worthy of her affection
and admiration. She deserves that. And the great thing is, with each step toward growth she takes, the chances of her
choosing a man just like him again decreases.

I continued with explaining what she could expect from step two: rediscovery. “You lost yourself in him,” I
expressed. “And most likely, because of this, you’ll feel a tear in your identity. But you have to begin again. Start
with learning about yourself again: what places you like to eat around town, what you like to do for fun, what
excites you, what makes you laugh. Stop at nothing to fall in love with yourself in this phase of your healing
process. Next, you’re not going to like these two words, but let go. Letting go might be the hardest thing you ever
have to do. And if that's the case – that’s okay! Have grace for yourself throughout this entire process. If this takes
you one full year, so be it. If it takes you only a few weeks, then great. But don't rush through it just to see the same
painful patterns repeated in your next relationship. Do yourself a favor – and the next man – and work through all
the things you need to know while it’s still fresh in your mind. Take the time to evaluate what went wrong, where
you could have done better, and what things were out of your control. Then, I promise you from here, looking back,
you’ll feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all that you went through and learned. Your Romantic
Intelligence will go up, giving you the tools you need to live with intention. You’ll be more prepared. You won’t
allow yourself to be put in a situation again where only pain can be the result. And are you ready for the best part?
You’ll be excited to love again.”

The years to come would bring Nicole both healing and pain. I’ve walked alongside her, witnessing the ups and
downs she’s faced because of this love and love-lost. But I couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s remained in a hopeful
and joyous spirit, always keeping the truth at the forefront of her mind when remembering this situation. A situation
that for most could have validated further brokenness. But she refused to focus on anything outside love. Even when
those around her had reason for anger, she remembers it was never about his shortcomings or her mistakes, it was
always about discovering how to love like God. An experience that did just that for her; she got a glimpse of the
Lord’s heart because of all that she walked through with him. A heart that judges us worthy of love. A love that
looks past the mistakes and breaks the chains of shame and guilt; sending us into a new life. I see her light up as she
talks about it because she sees the genuine change and growth that came from it; leaving her full of joy and
excitement to love like that again, only this time with someone handcrafted for her.

Number Two
A few weeks later, I was walking to class when I noticed one of my classmates struggling on the phone with
someone. Her face said it all. I could tell that whoever was on the other side of that call was the cause of her pain.
As she stopped and started her sentences (clearly getting interrupted on the other end), her body language shared the
emotional roller coaster she was on. She would get really passionate with her statement, using her hands and arms to
confirm her point, just to look defeated the next minute as her head fell. Then I saw it: tears started to flood down
her face. Distracted by what I had witnessed, I had forgotten I was on my way to class until I saw her look down at
her watch, quickly hang up the phone, and rush toward our classroom.

I wanted so badly to approach her and ask her if she was okay, but just as we entered the classroom, our teacher
instructed us that we have a lot to cover that day and to please take our seats quickly. I couldn’t stop thinking about
the devastation on her face, not only during that phone call, but now in the classroom as well. You could tell she was
distracted, that she had just been crying, yet she tried to remain composed. As she attempted to participate, I could
tell neither she nor myself were going to be able to focus on the material that was being presented to us. So, in a
surge of boldness, I leaned over to her and whispered, “I couldn’t help but see you on the phone outside. Do you
maybe want to go work on this together at a coffee shop and talk?”

She appeared to be both reluctant and relieved. Still disoriented from the call, she took me up on my offer. It didn’t
take long at the coffee shop for the storytelling to begin. She explained, “I met him a year ago at work. I wasn’t

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