Page 31 - #LoveWarrior

“Everyone struggles in love,” I reassured her. “The difference is getting to a point where you know yourself so well
that you have a better idea of your self-worth. Then, from there, we are equipped with the needed strength to make
better decisions. It’s not a perfect science.” I laughed to lighten the mood. “Trust me! But it’s at least a step in the
right direction.”

Both in a comfortable space at this point, the tone of the meeting moved to a goofy one. We spent the next hour
laughing at our overall experiences with dating. And I’ll tell you this – we had some great stories! One of hers that
will forever be etched into my laugh box is the time she buzzed a boyfriend’s head instead of just trimming it like he
had requested. I’m pretty sure I got the best ab workout of the year that day. I couldn’t stop laughing because, from
the moment she started the story, I knew where it was going. But then it kept getting better and better. I couldn’t
help but laugh the entire time she was sharing, which was awesome because my laughter made her laugh and really
enjoy telling the story. I always knew laughter was the best medicine, but it wasn’t until that day that I truly
experienced the joy surrounding seeing someone else take the medicine.

After the pleasure-pain of laughing so hard wore off, we circled back around to her current situation. I offered a
disclaimer: “By no means am I a therapist or a doctor, but I’m happy to share with you all that I’ve experienced and
learned.”

She quickly interjected, “Yes, please. I’d really appreciate your honesty.”

I did exactly what she asked. I was really honest! Blunt. Raw. Honesty. Hey, she asked for it. I was gentle, don’t
worry. With a humorous undertone, I empathized with her. I shared with her what worked for me. I told her the
truth. The painful truth and devastation of what I’d experienced when dating a man addicted to cocaine. I told her
I’d had to force myself not to doubt my own reality. I shared all that I took away from that experience. In particular,
one lesson she said really helped was being careful not to turn a negative into a positive. So many times in dating –
as a woman or a man – we tend to ignore red flags. As admirable as it is to look for the good in a person, it's not
admirable to not see the good within ourselves. We are worthy of genuine affection, meaning we have every right to
expect real, gentle attention. We are worthy of someone's time, meaning we deserve vulnerability and intimacy –
which takes time. We are also worthy of loyalty, meaning it shows our self-respect when we expect our significant
other to remain in an intentional state of mind and heart toward us, in their words and actions. I love how my sister
describes this in her relationship, “Due to the nature of Cody’s job, we’re apart a lot. One of the unspoken contracts
of our marriage is to always come back together as better individuals than we were when we said goodbye.” In other
words, they’re constantly working on themselves as individuals and protecting themselves from harm’s way as a
way to protect the relationship. Rachel is also constantly asking herself how her husband would feel if she did x, y,
and z.

We are worthy of unconditional love. We deserve to have someone in our lives who keeps our best interest in the
forefront of their mind, always staying aware of how their actions could possibly affect us as individuals and as a
couple.

Number Three
One of my closest friends from church has had the worst luck with men in the history of all women and dating. I’m
not kidding. If there's a disorder known to humans – she's dated someone with it. If there’s a disorder unknown to us
– she’s experienced it already in a relationship. I sometimes ask to have dinner with her just to hear all her crazy
stories. They are that bad (and funny, after the fact of course). Thankfully, she has a heart of gold and is such a
strong woman with a great sense of humor, so she leads us in laughter and goofiness in each of the stories. Because
she has such a sweet yet spunky spirit, men are always drawn to her. I also don’t think it hurts that she is drop-dead
gorgeous.

A strong believer now, in her thirties, she has come to terms with her singleness, sharing with me, “Louisa, I know
the Lord has a plan. I just didn’t get a copy of His timeline, so I’m in the dark on when He’s going to send me my
fellow goofball and nerd, but I trust Him.” I admire her, I really do. Of course, like any of us, she has put in her time
to get where she is at. It wasn’t easy for her. And because I have known her for years, I can say with every
confidence that she has seen her fair share of brokenness. But that’s what is so great about her — she looks at the

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