Page 32 - #LoveWarrior

brokenness and says, “Won’t make that same mistake again, but let’s go again!” Her dating life has consisted of
dating men who claimed to know God and truly knew nothing about Him, and men who claimed not to have a
relationship with God, but who displayed a more honorable and righteous character than anyone she had met in the
church.

Our most recent dining-out experience was one for the books (pun intended)! She had recently met a really sweet
man through her work who wasn't a Christian. She knew his sister for a while and knew about him, but hadn't met
him until a corporate event invited family and friends to attend. She told me about the first time she met him: “I
remember being so excited to meet the man my friend had spoken about for months. He seemed like such an
incredible man; the way his sister spoke about him would make anyone fall in love! She spoke with such adoration
and admiration. She honored him every chance she could. But what made matters even better was when I met him
for myself, he was truly all that she spoke about.”

I began to giggle. “Poor guy, he had no idea of all that he had to live up to in that first meeting!”

She joined me in laughter, adding, “Oh, I know, right? What a trip. He was polite, embracing my forearm as we
shook hands. He was kind, assisting us both as we sat down. He was present, asking us both thoughtful questions
surrounding our life and genuinely taking the time to hear about how we each were.”

Now I began to be drawn in. The rest of the dinner, she spoke about the months that had surrounded her relationship
with this man. I could see why she had fallen in love with him. He exerted a rare kind of honorable character not
common anymore. I will say I saw her grow into an even stronger, more incredible woman while she was with him.
He spoke life into her, not through a Bible scripture, but rather in his kind and gentle way of handling her. He
poured his love into her each time he remained ever-present in conversation, allowing her the space to feel nurtured,
important, and valued. From there, she was redirected from seeing her worth as a bar low to the ground to seeing it
raised a significant distance. He taught her so much!

But still, her heart was torn. He was not a Christian. Financially stable, very ambitious, incredibly handsome, strong
and courageous – yet he didn't hold the title of “Christian,” and for her, that meant there was no future. Needless to
say, at dinner, I both admired her desire to pair herself with someone her spiritual equal yet felt as if I wanted to
affectionately smack her upside the head. He's good-looking, is motivated and hard-working, not financially a mess,
and equipped with a strong emotional intelligence? I thought. She’s crazy – and – maybe he has a single brother!
As we laughed together and she finished her story of choosing to walk away from this man simply because he
wasn’t a Christian, we began to discuss the church, dating, and all that we are taught.

As women in Christ, we have a tall order set out for us to live up to. We are guided and taught to not even consider a
man who is not equally yoked with us or spiritually prepared to be our provider and protector. We are told over and
over…and over…and over: “Be careful not to pair yourself with someone who is not your equal.” But what boggles
my mind is that for as much teaching that is readily accessible to us on that end of the spectrum, very rarely do
people speak on the dilemma of the Christian man who is not an honorable human being, and the non-believer who
is!

I have a solution: Let's start ensuring we are equipping the singles of our church not to turn negatives into positives
just because the person claims to be a “man of God,” or a “woman of God.” We need to begin teaching them not to
turn a positive into a negative simply because he doesn't claim to have a relationship with Christ. The reality is,
whether they label themselves as this or that – we will know them by their fruit.

We also need to call out the tendency of our churches to wrongfully encourage the singles of their congregation to
indulge in evangelistic dating – meaning dating someone in the hopes of leading them to Christ. That's a risky
business, one of which only the Lord should be part. We can be a beacon of hope, and love like Jesus was, but by no
means can we put the pressure on ourselves to turn someone into the Christian we are. Each person's relationship
with Christ is unique and should be given that honor of remaining just that – a special and hand-tailored journey,
individualized to them.

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