Page 33 - #LoveWarrior

Laughable Love: 1, 2, 3 — The Men

Number One
A friend from high school, “Jason” was a few years behind my graduating class. With multiple mutual friends, Jason
and I were often at the same social events. Despite both moving around the country and almost ten years, we have
stayed in contact. Recently, at a birthday celebration, I found myself on the edge of my seat as he told me all about
the girl he was currently dating. “She’s gorgeous, sweet, smart, funny, and already established in her career.” “She
sounds great” I said. “She is…but...” Jason replied. “But what?” I asked. “I can’t put my finger on it, but something
has changed.”

Having already gone over that they had been together for almost a year now, I was very curious as to what had
changed. Trying to rack my brain for possibilities, Jason begins to do the same. “We began our relationship in
different states where we would spend anywhere from four to six hours on the phone every night. Laughing and
genuinely enjoying our conversations, we had great chemistry on the phone. I felt as if I finally was connecting with
a woman. Then, the dream continued when she moved here. We spent every free moment together. Now, months
later we’ve settled in to our jobs a bit more and rarely have an entire day off to spend together. When we do see one
another, we are more often than not, arguing. Over little things, foolish things. We’ll argue about the timing around
plans we made, or where to go to dinner, or how much time we spend we friends. The most common one recently —
how much of our free time we are spending without the other, investing in our own friendships. The other day I had
plans to hang out with one of my buddies and told her I would be back around 4pm, but when we hit traffic and
decided to stop for a drink, she lost it. Instead of saying ‘Enjoy time with him Babe’, she made the time with him
very unenjoyable because I kept receiving messages of disapproval from her. We ended up finishing our beer
quickly and heading home because I didn’t want to have a bigger fight when I got back.” He went on to explain how
frustrated he gets with her. He is someone who doesn’t want his family and friends to feel pushed aside just because
he is in a relationship. An admirable trait, except one thing, his girlfriend doesn’t feel as if she is a priority in his life
because of it.

The next time I saw Jason, he appeared to be more relaxed, yet had a sense of sadness about him. In conversation, he
opened up about how this girl and him had recently broken up. “At first I felt guilty for feeling…relieved. I spent my
days doing what I wanted to do again. It felt great. But then when that wore off and I didn’t have her by my side as I
fell asleep, or when I woke up, or to wrap her arms around me in the middle of the day, the reality of her absence
began to set in.” “Wow, Jason, this girl really turned you into a softy” I teased him. With a fake laugh, he proceeded
to chug his beer. “You laugh, but I know you know exactly what that feels like.” After I finished my last giggle and
allowed his statement to sink in, I realized what he was experiencing was the first step in the healing process — the
shock of a relationship lost. Jason was getting back to a schedule without her. We talked for as long as the setting
allowed, interrupted by our crowd of friends. Thankfully, the important stuff had already been covered. Jason, just
starting his own healing process, was happy to hear what he was experiencing was not only normal, but actually a
perfect opportunity to understand women better and elevate his Romantic Intelligence.

Number Two
Born and raised in sunny San Diego, the one other consistent thing about this gorgeous city is the amount of military
relationships. Surrounded by many military bases, the presence of men in uniform is never lacking. So, when I ran in
to an active duty marine on a hike in Elk Valley, I wasn’t surprised. Finding ourselves on the hike alone at the part
where rope is required, like a gentleman, he offered to go first and spot me from the ground. A sweet gesture, I
asked him if he had been on this hike before, having seem to know it really well. “Yeah I used to take my fiancé…I
mean ex-fiancé here all the time. She always preferred me to go first just in case she lost her balance going down I
could be there to catch her.” I instantly thought, Wow. What an incredible metaphor for a solid relationship. I
wonder what happened. “Sounds like you made a great team” I said as I dusted the dirt off my pants. “We did. Well,
kind of. I’ve come to the conclusion recently that we would have done better if I knew how to communicate to her. I
must have given him a confused look because with a sigh of discomfort he continued, “You see, as a marine, we are
taught how to put the uniform on, but rarely taught how to take it off so we’re used to communicating with men,
then go home to find that those same strategies don’t work with you women.” Having just met him, I was surprised
to see how simply working through a dangerous part of a hike together would have made him open up like that. I

33