Page 42 - #LoveWarrior

Relapsing
You may experience a relapse at this stage. You may look at all the facts and feel even more sorrow for the love-
lost. And that's okay. That is part of your process, don't deny or avoid it. It shows progress, and that is a wonderful
thing. You may look at all the facts and feel nothing but rage. Either way — pain or anger —an overwhelming sense
of regret may not be far behind. Trust that that is completely normal. As a matter of fact, take it as a sign that you
really cared for the person. However, we must teach and direct ourselves into righteousness from here. Remember
all you have learned thus far. Remember all the discoveries you have made so far. Keep in mind that the kind of love
we are seeking is a love that does not allow us to act outside a chosen character. On the contrary. The love we have a
hope for is a love that leaves behind our sin as God does — at the cross where it was dealt with under the blood of
Jesus, once and for all. Leave it there, for yourself and for that other person.

Romans 5: 20-21 and 6:1-7 speaks to us about the death of sin and the new life in Christ.

0 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all
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the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring
eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. 6 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace
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may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or
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don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were
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therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the
dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a
resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by
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sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died
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has been set free from sin.

There is nothing more damaging to a person than being constantly pulled back into their past. If there are things in
your past as a couple that are too painful to get over, then take that at face value. Trust your inner voice. If you have
even an inclination that you will not be able to see them without that hovering over them, do yourself and them a
favor and let go. No one deserves to be continuously reminded of a mistake they made in the past. That's no way to
live. The Lord doesn't handle us that way and neither should we toward one another.

The truth surrounding that is this: Jesus died as us on the cross, and we were resurrected with him. The Lord doesn't
focus on our old behaviors because He is confident in the sacrifice of His Son. Instead, together as One, God, Jesus
Christ and the Holy Spirit want to guide us into working on our new self, on our new identity. One that doesn't focus
on the shame of past behaviors but one that calls us up to our calling. That is what pure love looks like. If you are
incapable of encouraging and standing beside that truth in the person's life; it's time to see yourself out of this
relapse and fully let go.

— Step 4 —
Appreciation

My sister likes to say, "Gratitude is the Attitude of Wellness." And as in most cases, she's right. Our attitudes have a
profound impact on our quality of life, love life included. After being broken and betrayed by the one we have
loved, it's all too easy to see them as the villains in our not-so-fairy-tale tales. However, we are not helpless
creatures. We are strong; mighty warriors called to love.

Appreciation gives you the chance to review the collected data and alter your attitude from one of anger and
bitterness to one of positivity, thankfulness, and love. This stage is best accomplished with a fresh set of eyes – a
phrase here that means a new perspective on life.

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