Page 48 - #LoveWarrior

Chapter Six
Healing from Abuse, Violation, and Betrayal

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will
repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19, NKJV)

This is not going to be an easy section to read. It certainly is one of the hardest for me to write; I hope you can
simply skip it. I hope and pray you have not experienced one – or all – of these situations, as I have. But if you have,
let me start out by saying you're not alone. These tragedies are all too familiar in our society. You may have been a
victim, but you do not need to remain one. The cycle of abuse leads those experiencing the assault down a
dangerous path, a vicious cycle where the person experiences extreme highs and lows with the relationship and their
own identity.

One thing to note right away – I will be speaking on these situations as past tense, as if you are no longer in the
middle of them. The next thing to note – because of the vast amount of research available surrounding these subjects,
I will not be taking us down the long road of “according to this doctor,” “this study reveals to us,” or “this
psychiatrist recommends ___________.” But rather, I have chosen to share my own experiences in hopes of inviting
you into a conversation. Remember – it's just you and me. I have sought to simplify a multilayered, complicated
topic(s). This is on purpose. You will notice a pattern as we begin to discuss these topics: a repetitiveness. This is
also on purpose.

Physical abuse
I want to preface this next section with a story of redemption. As believers – close to the Lord – my mom, dad, and I
have experienced healing in our relationships with one another. We have experienced victory over a situation in
which the enemy meant to destroy each one of us. Just this last year, I had the honor of having both my parents
baptize me. It was what we call an Ephesians 3:20 and Joel 2:25 moment. My mom remembers the day: “It was one
of the best days of my life!” Because, you see, in each water baptism, the enemy loses and the Kingdom of God
rejoices for His beloved.

__________

Domestic violence was very much present in my childhood. Unhealed from these wounds, I found myself
experiencing it in my adult life, my dating life. This is one of the many reasons it is so important to pair yourself
with someone healthy, a word here meaning a whole person, free of the bondage of past wounds, self-controlled and
living in a strong sense of Romantic Intelligence (Llanes).

As a baby in the womb, I marinated in my mom's fear. With emotions of anger, anxiety, and depression, my parents’
life circumstances found them both defeated and lifeless, resorting to physical and verbal abuse. Their volatile
relationship created a harmful environment for me in utero, for my older sister, and for both my parents as
individuals. We were all assaulted as a result of the destruction in our lives. The environment I was raised in became
all that I knew, of course, so the physical abuse I experienced in my dating life felt normal. How devastating is that?
I became immune to it. I almost expected it.

I began to see a pattern: a man says he loves me and then hits me. I thought that was how it's supposed to go. Wrong.
There is never a valid reason for physically hitting someone, period. Domestic violence leads its victims down a
dangerous path, a vicious cycle. Healing comes in the form of rejecting and responding – rejecting future abuse and
responding quickly with intentionality. Deciding that future abuse is not an option will ensure the cycle is really
broken. Once our minds get on the same wavelength as our hearts, our bodies are the next to follow. Responding
with action and intention will lead you to true healing, healing that will last. Take action by taking back control of
what and who comes into your life and stays in it. Seek help, read, and invest in all things strengthening you.
Empowerment will come from choosing life, and choosing life is precisely what must come in order to heal from
physical abuse.

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