Page 59 - #LoveWarrior

Chapter Seven
Safe Dating

“Dating with no intent to marry is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unhappy or take
something that isn’t yours.” —Jefferson Bethke

“Plenty of Fish”
Do you ever feel like there just aren't enough options? Good options? You are not alone in this feeling of Where are
all the good ones? I've asked myself that question even more passionately while in church! Well, I'm here to tell
you, they are there. Take a moment next time you are at church; look around during worship. Notice all the men and
women around you worshiping the Lord. We are in plentiful supply. Here is the key: If you want a quality man or a
quality woman, become that first. Then you will notice a difference in where your eyes land, in church and
elsewhere.

There are two ways to define what kind of person you are looking for. First, we can either go through many
relationships, defining and re-defining what we did and didn’t like about them or we can know ourselves so well we
don’t need a sample of every kind of person out there to define for us what we know we want and more importantly
— what we need.

Compatibility
We have all heard, "It was not meant to be," "Well, better luck next time," or "There are plenty of fish in the sea."
Yet, that does not offer a solution, nor does it give us guidance on what to do better next time. Who would have
thought the most commonly played game is so difficult to win? Compatibility, as defined by Webster's Dictionary
is a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict, compatibility is
essential to the success of a relationship.

Opposites attract? I think not! More like opposites attack. Have you ever been in a car with someone who played
music you didn't like the entire time? Imagine life with that person. Not a pretty picture, is it? Hollywood loves
catchy little clichés like “opposites attract.” Be on guard. Likely, this isn’t the only headline mainstream media has
beaten into your subconscious mind. But more on this when we get to “Expectations.”

If you know you’re not right for someone, be honest with them. Even if they are convinced you will make a perfect
pair, speak up. You have an opportunity to protect them and yourself from future pain. Take that seriously. When
you truly know yourself, you will intuitively know if the relationship is a good fit or not. You’ll know if you have
what it takes to make one another happy. But, more importantly, you'll be able to gauge if the relationship will lead
to holiness; as individuals and as a couple.

I feel as if, alongside this, I should issue a gentle warning: Ladies and gentlemen, make sure you are not merely
fulfilling a "fantasy" for someone, meaning fulfilling a desire that a person is seeking to simply check off their list of
accomplishments. Examples of this include sexual fantasy, the desire for eye candy or arm candy, or even the
overwhelming urge to get married. Whether you are a man or a woman, you are not immune to this. We must guard
ourselves against this. Be intuitive. Be assertive. Be alert and aware. You won't regret it.

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
“A Reason, a season, or a lifetime.” I recently had a client use this phrase as she described her life. A wise woman,
many years my senior, she continues to impress and inspire me. With a young, energetic spirit, she spoke such
insight as she uttered, “People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Learn to appreciate this, and
you'll find happiness and peace, come what may.”

Safe Dating means entering into a situation with an open mind. It means being willing to accept if the person is
meant to be in your life simply to reach a portion of your heart in need of an awakening, a season of your life used to
teach you something for your future, or – a lifetime.

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