Page 80 - #LoveWarrior

Person #9: I think the most important thing is knowing it isn't your own fault. No matter what they say the reason is,
and if they say it's because of you, the bottom line is it's because of them.

Person #10: I'd say finding yourself and gaining self-confidence again is really important in moving on. Along with
just dating and seeing what's out there. Not just settling or jumping into the first relationship you come across.

Person #11: Empathy, open-mindedness, and understanding. Usually, infidelity occurs for a very specific reason.
The victim should honor his or her own feelings for sure (heartache, anger, etc.), but a huge part of it would be
trying to understand the other person’s point of view with an open mind. Was he or she curious? Was he or she
lonely? Did he or she crave touch and compassion because they forgot what it felt like? And empathy is the most
important trait I believe anyone can have. Try to see what they saw, try to feel what they felt, and try to understand
their underlying heartache or pain that may have caused that person to wander in the first place. Use all that
information to communicate openly, with compassion and empathy. Grow together and learn together. I don't
believe anyone cheats just for fun, malicious intent, or to be funny. There's always a reason, usually a dark one. It
takes a strong person to put in so much work to uncover that reason/s. The victim may choose to walk away, and
that would be okay. But I believe he or she should fully understand the reason he/she was cheated on. It will help
them in their future relationships.

Person #12: Good question lol. When you find out, let me know. Definitely, the hardest part is to trust the next
person you are with.

Person #13: This is not a simple answer. There are levels of complexity.

There is forgiving the one who hurt you in order to be free from further hurt and self-loathing. That is a chapter in
itself, as are the methods of standing in the rubble of the brokenness holding the hand of Jesus (Hebrews 13:8).
There is a little change management of self, where you adjust to life moving forward without this person. This
includes allowing a person to grieve. The Beatitudes is a great change process, or see Eliz Kubler-Ross’s stuff on
death and dying.

There is some deep introspection: even if I thought I did everything right, what did I do that did not help the
process? Some ownership of the failed relationship needs to take place, and if the breakup hurt the person badly, this
is not something done in one night. This is a revisiting and a walking through a minefield to dig up those feelings
which were really pushed down and, in some cases, denied. Many relationships exist with denial by one or more
parties, when your intuition is screaming that this is not right, but you overrule yourself. This really aligns with the
research I am doing on victims of domestic violence.

Person #14: There's the first issue of having to deal with the hurt. In my opinion, most of the time, it's anger, and
everyone shows anger differently. It is essential to rely on your friends for support. Then the next step is learning to
be by yourself. You need to learn to like yourself and figure out who you are without the other person. Everyone
does this at different rates, but a few days usually isn't enough. Then you have to learn how to have relationships,
especially new ones. And it doesn't mean necessarily romantic/sexual/dating relationships. I mean even friendships.
I've seen people struggle with making new relationships because they don't trust people. And after all, I think it just
comes down to time, experience, and repetition.

Person #15: It took me a long time, and I still love him in a twisted way, although he treated me poorly, and I was
just a notch on his belt for him. It took time. Finding outside things that made me happy, like my horses and dogs.
Telling myself, I deserved better – that I didn't deserve to be treated that way, that he didn't deserve my love and
affection and work I put in for him. I would have done anything, anything for him. I thought about all the stuff I did
for him and contemplated what he did for me, and it just didn't balance out. I chose to cut him out of my life, social
networking as well, and disciplined myself to not talk about him so I could move forward.

Person #16: Honestly everyone is different, so I guess it all depends. I personally stayed focused on my children
and the positive things going on in my life instead of getting angry and thinking there was some way to fix it.

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