Page 27 - MyCottleville Magazine Jan/Feb 2017

a humorous look at life by Kina Bryant
My day started off pretty good, but I have a long tale to tell...
First, I had a couple of wonderful clients. I met my family for lunch before taking my daughter to work. I received a call from the vet saying that I could pick up my cat’s ashes, but I had to stop for gas before heading there.
While pumping gas, I dropped the gas cap and it rolled underneath the car. I leaned over to grab it, but it was nowhere in sight. I glanced around to see if anybody was looking before I got down on all fours to search for it. Of course, it was out of reach. I thought that if I laid at on my belly and stuck my head under there, my arms would be long enough... but no... I wouldn’t t. Crap! I knew that I had gained weight, but this was ridiculous. Then it dawned on me... getting dressed in the dark this morning, I must have grabbed my “Wonder Bra”. Hmm... Now that I think about it, my top-to-bottom ratio seemed a tad off in the mirror this morning. Well, there was no way I was going to drag my hooters any farther un- derneath that car and scuff the lettering off of my new sweatshirt. I decided to get back on all fours and stick my right leg out to possibly kick the cap out the other side. I was hoping no one would pull up next to me and think that I was a yoga lunatic doing my poses while pumping gas. As soon as I extended
my leg, I got a massive cramp in my butt cheek. I fell to my back and moaned. This sucker wasn’t giv- ing up! I pushed my heels into the ground and raised my pelvic up trying to ease the pain. If that didn’t scream “Yoga Lunatic”, I don’t know what would. The cramp nally subsided. I laid there for a moment not caring who happened upon me. Then a voice snickered in my head, “You could just put your car in reverse and pull back a few feet.” After hanging up the gas nozzle and backing my car up, I stomped over to the cap while mumbling nasties under my breath. I bent down too hastily to pick it up and ended up throwing it a few feet farther. I puckered my lips and slowly bent over to grab it again. As I was bent over, a car horn blared long and hard behind me. THE HELL YOU SAY! I righted myself and whirled around yelling an obscentiy only to realize that it was just someone being cut off on the main road. It took me a few tries to get the gas cap on. Thinking all the while, that if anyone reviewed the surveillance video, they would send the psychiatric ward after me.
At the vet’s of ce, I managed to pick up my cat’s ashes and make it to the door before I lost a few tears. I swiped them away with the back of my hand thinking that I had just smeared my mascara. Then I re- membered... I didn’t wear any makeup today. I sat the ashes in the passenger seat and pulled down the rear view mirror to clean my face.
COULD THIS DAY GET ANY MORE AMAZING?
I had car soot streaked in various places on my face. One particularly perplexing mark looked like I had smeared three lines from the right side of my nose out to my cheek, looking like... of all things....WHIS- KERS! I’m sure the people at the vet’s of ce thought that I was in some serious mourning to stripe my face up just like my cat’s.
MyCottleville Magazine | 27