Page 32 - MyCottleville Magazine Jan/Feb 2017

I do not like to shop... That is one of the reasons I got married. With the wife around, I can relax knowing I have someone who has my shopping needs in mind. Unless we need tires or beer, the wife is responsible for our household purchases.
If I do happen to nd myself in some sort of retail space, I am always looking for a good deal. With all of the thrift stores, dollar stores, and discount stores around town, it is easier than ever to nd lots of stuff at a low price. Being a wise and savvy consumer, when I do shop, I enjoy nding a good deal. That is why when I go to the store, I am imme- diately attracted to the sales items and special racks.
The other night, wife and I were doing a little shopping at the local discount store and we came across a $0.88 rack. You heard that right.....a $0.88 rack. That is a better deal than I could get at the $0.99 store and a much better deal than those expensive dollar stores. I was so excited. There were so many things to choose from on this rack and I just activated a new credit card. Even though much of the merchandise on the rack was relatively useless to me, I just felt I could not pass up these savings. That would be scally irresponsible.
So I got busy lling my basket with all sorts of cool things........a deck of cards, a game of jacks, a toothbrush, a long lighter, a rubber spoon, toenail clippers, a 2-pack of cups, and a hair brush. I get to the next shelf......a wood paddle with a ball and rubber band, a nerf hoop, lip balm, hair ribbons, and a table cloth. This is awesome.....I cannot stop. I am so happy, shopping for the soul. I get to the third shelf. A ve pack of Adam Sandler movies for $0.88? You’re right, that is way overpriced.....so I move on. Travel Scrabble, cat treats, ear buds, and a “As seen on T.V.” cleanser promoted by the one and only Eric Estrada.
I am just about to wrap up my shopping spree when I come across something I did not expect to see on the $0.88 rack. It was feminine hygiene products. Is this a joke? Are there really people that will actually purchase feminine hygiene products for $0.88 and feel they got a good value? That is like having a Jaguar and putting bacon grease in the crank- case. I mean when I go to purchase my man stuff, I would never purchase it from the $0.88 rack. I am more than willing to pay full price at the dollar stores.
Like I said, I am wise and savvy consumer. When considering a household budget, it is important to save a buck or
two when possible. I believe the wife is also wise and savvy with her purchases. When she is purchasing products to give her exterior a good shine, she is excellent at nding good deals. However, when it comes to her under the hood maintenance, she has total access to the wallet, credit cards, house deed, and 401k. If money is really tight, I will get a second job.
After all of these major decisions, I am exhausted. Shopping is hard work. This was a really stressful ve minutes. I am ready to nd the wife, hit the checkout line, and get home. Since this particular retail store is huge, it takes me a while to track her down. I nally nd her and see that her basket is full of stuff as well. As she peruses my purchases, she is impressed by way I was able to stretch our household dollars.
Being the gentleman I am, I unload both carts while wife reads this month’s issue of Cosmo. O.K., maybe it is not that gentlemanly of me to unload the carts, but can I help wanting her to put a couple of new plays in her household play- book? I unload stuff on the belt and started to unload her cart. She has lots of household necessities.......soap, paper towels, donuts, shoe strings, a skillet, and a welcome mat. Job well done by both of us.....until I see the last several items in her cart. To my horror, she had also stopped by the $0.88 rack and picked up some stuff. Some feminine hygiene products and a 5 pack of Adam Sandler movies.
I still love my wife, but this incident makes me question her shopping skills. As much as I hate shopping, I think I will have to go more often so this kind of thing does not happen again. I just hope we have enough room in the house for all of the extra tires and beer.
32 | MyCottleville Magazine
humorous look at life by Kevin Ziegemeier