Page 62 - February 2017

Five reasons not to fear divorce
Let’s be honest. Most of us ring in the New Year with a great-sounding resolution that we know we’ll never keep. Whether it is cooking healthier meals, getting organized or spend- ing more time with family, it doesn’t really matter because we hang on to our resolutions just long enough to satisfy that “fresh start” urge, and end up throwing in the towel once the novelty wears off. But what if you could
make a change this year that would actually bring hap- piness and fulfillment to your future years instead of just to the first few weeks of January?
time in years, don’t panic. Fend off the lonesome blues by cultivating new interests, friends and hobbies (golf, boating, bowling, billiards, guys night, etc.) that you ne- glected to pursue during marriage. You will unquestion- ably discover the piece of yourself that has been missing for a very long time.
The longer you stay, the more you pay. Deciding whether to divorce your spouse is a weighty decision that deserves very careful thought and consideration.
That being said, you do not need to spend too much time mulling over the pro/con list and waste away precious, vital years of your life. Also, the more time you spend with your spouse, the more money accrued in your marital accounts, real estate and police pension, and the more you risk forking over when it comes time to settle or litigate. While you should not rush the decision-making pro- cess when it comes to ending your marriage, try to re- member that the more time you spend in self-reflection,
the more money you may be putting on the line.
Removing toxic people from your life opens new doors. Staying in a marriage that is unsupportive, un- fulfilling, abusive or just plain unhappy is bound to give you self-respect issues. After a while, you begin to believe that the lack of passion in your life is inevitable and that you are not worthy of affectionate love. But you deserve to be with a partner who is enthusiastic, uplifting and mindful of all of your needs. When you have concluded that it’s time to leave your “better half” and choose in- stead to surround yourself with those who respect and love you, you will feel lighter, hopeful and ready for the adventures that lie ahead, including new romance.
Starting over after marriage forces you to re-evalu- ate everything. As most people who have successfully divorced will tell you, once you have endured the trials and tribulations of court proceedings to end your mar- riage, you tend to feel like you can handle anything life throws your way. Suddenly you will have a brand-new outlook on life that will inspire you to stand up for your- self more often and take action to change the things that don’t make you happy. As the saying goes, “What does not kill you, makes you stronger.”
With age and experience come a whole new world of pleasure. If I had a nickel for every time one of my di- vorce clients said that their sex life was virtually non-ex- istent after the marriage, I would be retired. If you and your spouse had issues in the bedroom that just couldn’t seem to be worked out, then you should think about the possibility of having genuine intimacy and pleasure or just enjoying the benefits of being single again. d
CORRI FETMAN
If you’ve been contemplating the idea of di-
vorce, but keep coming up with new excus-
es to put it off because you are afraid of the
messy repercussions, then this may be your LAW year. Facing the fears that are holding you back
Family
from filing can be extremely scary. However, it is the first step in shedding a layer of who you are now so that you can start becoming who you will be once you have finalized the proceedings. And trust me, that version of you will be a much happier, more carefree and stronger person than you probably ever knew existed.
Having spent almost two decades representing po- lice officers, it is sometimes difficult to fathom that, by definition, cops risk their lives every day to protect and serve, yet the root of most officers’ fears about di- vorce lies in a dread of the unknown. The key to moving forward is to treat the litigation process with the same survival techniques you have conquered on the job. Another fundamental tactic is to view the process as a means to a positive end. By way of example, filling out paperwork for a homicide is a pain in the rear, but work- ing hard to eventually solve the homicide makes it all worthwhile.
If you have weighed the pros and cons of divorce carefully and have decided to take the opportunity for a second chance at bliss this year, here are five reasons why you can officially feel good about starting over and putting all that anxiety in the past.
Rediscovering yourself on your own is liberating.
Let’s face it, most cops work long hours and do not al- ways work the best of shifts. This can lead to an isolated family life. If the thought of being alone has been so par- alyzing that it has kept you from forging ahead with your life sans spouse, then you have been letting fear control your future. It is time to implement that valuable surviv- al training and move past the lonely brigade. As anyone who has been in an unhappy relationship knows, it is often much lonelier to be in bed next to someone who does not “get” you anymore (or doesn’t want to) than it is to be alone. When you do decide to move forward with a divorce and suddenly find yourself single for the first
62 CHICAGO LODGE 7 ■ FEBRUARY 2017