Page 48 - November 2019 FOP

Mental Health and Wellness Support
A resource guide for Chicago Lodge 7 members
A message from EAP
Professional Counseling Division CPD Employee Assistance Program
312-743-0378
Widely trained clinicians and addiction counselors available 24/7/365
Peer Support Team
312-743-0378
The peer support team includes 300 officers who have taken a 40-hour training
Call for help
Does your relationship support your mental health and wellbeing?
Each month, the Professional Counseling Division of the Department’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provides a message to promote better mental health for officers. This month, Dr. Robert Sobo, director of the Professional Coun- seling Division, discusses how Chicago Police Officers can strengthen their relationships with their spouses as a way to help their mental health and wellness.
A police officer came in for a debriefing following being in- volved in a shooting. He was single at the time, and he was rela- tively OK about the incident.
Less than two years later, he was involved in another shooting and came in traumatized to the core, a shadow of his former self. A couple of things happened to him that revealed why one shoot- ing was so traumatic and another was not.
First off, he had two years of experience of responding to diffi- cult, stressful and traumatic calls day in and day out. But before the second shooting, he got married and his wife just had their first baby.
He continued to come into the Professional Counseling Division after the second shooting to deal with the trauma. His wife came in for her own debriefing because she was traumatized. Then,
we saw them together and they started to talk about how each one was doing and how they reacted to the shooting.
They learned how to communicate about what was going on and how to talk about the job. They learned some great coping skills and how to communicate and hear each other’s feelings. And they strengthened their relationship.
Law enforcement marriages and relationships have become a very timely topic for EAP. What makes them go bad, and what makes them stronger? How does the most intimate relationship affect an officer’s mental health and wellbeing? It has even be- come part of the Department’s new supervisors’ training to sup- port better mental health and wellness.
When talking about the feeling of a healthy relationship and its impact on an officer’s wellbeing, one of the things we see clinical- ly in the department is the notion that police officers don’t like to bring their jobs home. This is an admirable and noble thought, but what’s behind the thought? Is it that you don’t want to share what you went through, what you experience and how it impacts you because you think the other person might not be able to han- dle it if they know about it?
If you think about it, if officers are afraid to share all those ex- periences with the people they trust the most, what does that say about what they think of themselves? Are they trying to run away from it or deny it?
The stress and trauma related to the job don’t go away, of course. They can destroy one’s wellbeing. They lead to break-
downs in communication in the relationship, and the people in the relationship wind up feeling lonely, angry, rejected and re- sentful. And the officer doesn’t feel understood or that the other person is really there for them. And that person can’t be, because he or she is not privy to anything. Rejection leads to isolation, and you have two people in a relationship who are really alone.
When officers do share their experiences, it fosters trust and intimacy and strengthens communication. We see some really in- sightful officers who are dating somebody seriously come in for couples counseling so the other person can learn about the police culture. They set up a healthy relationship.
A truly heathy relationship allows officers to recover from the stress of the day more easily. They go home to a safe environment where they are allowed to be open about their day and receive support and love. Sometimes, that’s exactly what it takes.
To do that, officers first must not be afraid of their own emo- tions. They have to learn how not to try to handle it all by them- selves. It’s a skill – learning how not to be afraid and to acknowl- edge their own emotions. You have to allow yourself to express them.
When you can do it, there’s nothing better. When you can’t, it turns into depression, anger, rage, withdrawal from one another and breakdown in communication. That’s what leads to divorce.
Expressing your feelings and sharing the job with your loved one should be an everyday practice to contribute to your mental health and wellbeing. Take time at the end of the day to check in. Take time throughout the day whenever it is needed. Go to your spouse in the middle of the day if you have something you need to talk through.
Of course, marriages and relationships end for many reasons. If you have one that breaks down, call EAP. There are several coun- selors who have expertise in building a healthy relationship.
When getting into the next relationship, it’s important to pro- cess the factors that may have contributed to the divorce. Don’t let the next relationship become a copy of the one you just left. Don’t create the same dysfunctional aspects in the relationship, because you will wind up with the same person with a different face.
It’s a tall order. But don’t be afraid to trust your partners. They know what they got into. They are strong people. They can handle it.
48 CHICAGO LODGE 7 ■ NOVEMBER 2019