Page 44 - The Houseguest

Standing up, the pressure in my head was nearly unbearable. I moved forward with some awkward combination of a walk and a crawl, stumbling over to the location where my loves had been resting for the last few hours. Cradling the container of Katie’s ashes, I inspected the cracked vessel. The guilt inside me reached an all-time high as I spoke to my little lady: “Daddy has failed you again; I didn’t protect you then and I couldn’t even protect you now. I am so sorry.” The ceramic casing had been damaged by the impact, and I was viewing the contents of the urn for the first time. My heart felt a sense of relief realizing her remains had been sealed separately inside the hard-shell container. It was the first thing that had gone my way in so long that it felt strangely encouraging. Managing to gather together the cracked pieces and the sealed containers, I stumbled to the house. It had been a while since the front porch had been swept or pressure washed and the wood was green in places. Karina had always kept the house clean and tidy. She said it helped the flow of her thought process when things were in order.
I paused to consider the surrealism of the moment. Though it wasn’t our first home, I had once carried my beautiful bride in my arms across this same threshold, both of us laughing aloud at the absurdity of the ritual, yet neither willing to forego the custom. And now here I was carrying what was left of that beautiful being in my arms once again across the exact same doorway, the moment now devoid of the laughter. I carefully set the sealed labeled plastic containers, together with the pieces I’d collected off the ground on the granite foyer countertop that graced the entrance to our beautiful home. I stood still, fixated upon the images before me not wanting to turn and face the rest
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The Houseguest by Linda Ellis www.LindaEllis.life