Page 13 - MLD Book

recall, it sort of heralded the end of Barbara’s reign as well. I played for her funeral, actually, and I remember that her ashes arrived at the church late, and I had to keep playing....and playing.
An added note about Ned, whom I respected greatly by the way – he was one of the first males to serve on the Altar Guild and ultimately recruited the Courier Journal music critic, Bill Mootz, to serve with him. (Bill didn’t always give the LBS good reviews even when we deserved them, so Melvin wasn’t real happy about Bill being at Calvary.) Ned had specified he wanted his ashes buried somewhere at Calvary but he didn’t approve of some of the antics of the Burial Ground Committee. So we secretly decided to put his ashes inside an organ pipe (there are six fake ones), where they still (in December 2020 at least) remain. That stayed a secret until Jonathan Erdman blabbed it. So much for priestly confidentiality. I would prefer having my ashes partly in the organ and partly out in the Burial Ground where Melvin is, but with the grandiose ideas about what to do with the present organ and disdain therefore, my ashes might not be safe there. But by that time I wouldn’t care! Rumor is that both Bill and Ned at separate times met their ends at the hands of gay lovers. No arrests were ever made, however, so those circumstances remain part of the Calvary intrigue. Don Allen fell into that category also.
As we get to the mid seventies, perhaps this is the time to notate some more of the antics of Iris Gray, who was by far the greatest challenge I faced in a time span that lasted about 30 years! I have already written about her feud with Ella and her fascination with fat people. Her wicked sense of humor often left others perplexed or in tears, such as these quotes: Sandra, I like your wig. It’s so much better than your own hair; Sandra, I guess you know you sing a half tone flat; Jean, you are just way off; Mike, don’t bother to move so she can see, she can’t sing anyway; to a new confirmand- finally you ‘re a Christian; Lil, don’t you know you are OFF? (Lil was a 6th generation Episcopalian from Sri Lanka who really couldn’t sing, - more about her later - and Melvin’s favorite comment to her was Lil, this anthem is in FOUR parts, not FIVE!); that new Deacon looks like the lions got to him; German is an ugly language; Lucile, you think you are shit on a stick! Her lowest insult came on the Presbyterian Seminary Campus, where she began theological studies at age 72. She spied a blind man and wanted to test out if he were really blind, so she stuck her foot out, thinking if he were faking, he would avoid her foot. He tripped! Maybe that was one of the reasons that when she was graduated from Seminary, the Calvary Vestry refused to endorse her! She also was mostly insulting to whomever had the misfortune of sitting next to her and often would pull out the double kneeler from under the seatmate, causing cracked knees! And....want to know why the tradition of the choir singing during communion started? It was because Iris would make loud comments about people coming up to communion! The time she used the N word triggered the new policy, so credit Iris with communion anthems and seating charts to protect others from her!
One incident between Iris and Lucile Paris, a fellow choir member from Indiana who was always her rival and sort of took Ella’s place in that regard, may be worth noting. During the sermon one time, Lucile, on the front row end, fell asleep. Iris, on the second row end, saw her slumping and took a hymnal and hit her over the head with it. Lucile turned around and said loudly, “What did you do that for? It’s the first good sleep I have had in three days!’ Through it all, Iris did manage to like me, although when Melvin came one time to take rehearsal for me, she told him she was not sure she was going to like him. Iris was a bad housekeeper, and several times when she got older, Ben and I had to go over there and rescue her from her horrible house. One time it was so bad, with blood all over the floor, I