Page 9 - Total War on PTSD

policy. It was kind of like chipping away at mortar between bricks in a wall, just a little at a time, not expecting anything to happen...and then being surprised when a brick falls out. Eventually the wall is going to fall apart. Such is PTSD.
Early in the deployment I felt comfortable in my job, my position, as a leader of my small ‘department’ and the job itself, working in a war zone. It gave me more purpose than anything I’d ever done. Actually, if I was able, I would go back and do it again in a heartbeat. But after many life-or-death trips from the office to the bunkers with enemy rockets closing in, that comfort started peeling away like the skin of an onion, leaving me with the raw interior that is my PTSD. Sometimes I’ve felt like I’ve become the onion.
Other military Veterans will nod their heads as they read the next paragraphs. For any family members and civilians reading this, I hope the next words provide some help in understanding what your warfighter is going through because, while there is no single cookie-cutter ‘case’ of PTSD, what I go through is unfortunately typical for many of us.
Months after the official welcome home ceremony and returning to civilian life in the U.S., I began to feel betrayed — by the Navy, by my friends and co-workers who ‘weren't there’ for me when I started experiencing worsening PTSD. I even felt that way in my civilian job environment. The main reason for this is that I felt that they just didn’t understand. They didn’t understand the environment I was in...the brother and sisterhood I experienced in the military and...especially so...in a joint service, war zone environment. They didn’t know what the symptoms were that I was experiencing. They didn’t understand my triggers...or why I couldn’t sleep at night...or why I was always shaky.
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