Page 679 - Total War on PTSD Final

eight to safety. Afterwards, Rieman was hailed as a hero, receiving a Purple Heart and Silver Star. He was also being recognized by President George W. Bush at the State of the Union address, where the President described him as “earn[ing] the respect and gratitude of our whole country.” His face was featured on the cover of an XBOX game and his likeness made into an action figure. To put it simply, his fifteen-year career in the Army seemed like heroism personified.
However, like many Veterans, Rieman was struggling on the inside despite all the fanfare on the outside. “I left the military because I was mentally and emotionally broken, so I just walked away,” Rieman said of his decision to leave the Army in 2014, “but what broke me more so than war was the transition. My identity was wrapped up in the military. I had no understanding of my purpose or lack thereof, so I turned to substance abuse, and I attempted suicide.”
Rieman first contemplated suicide when he re-deployed to Iraq in 2010. He spent an evening with his gun in his mouth, switching the safety on and off, and contemplating whether or not to pull the trigger. His roommate at the time intervened and, after a brief stint at the Army’s combat stress center, was returned to his tour of duty. In the interim, Rieman’s PTSD symptoms increased, and he began to self-medicate with prescription pills and alcohol. As a result, his marriage crumbled. “I wrote a goodbye letter to my kids, letting them know that I loved them more than anything and leaving was not what I wanted to do, but I felt like it was all I could do to make their lives better because they would be better off without me,” he recalls. And then he got into his truck, hit the gas, and closed his eyes as his steered towards a tree.
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