Page 335 - Total War on PTSD

“I was riding my mountain bike in Colorado, and I met a dog who reminded me so much of my very first dog in the way she interacted with me, looked at me, and wagged her tail that I rode away convinced I’d just very possibly met the reincarnated version of my long
lost friend.” – W. Bruce Cameron
Courtenay: I often feel like I am on the edge of a building looking down into
nothingness. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about jumping into any sort
of abyss. It may not make sense, but that perception of nothingness can sometimes offer me more than the daily stress and disappointment I deal with constantly.
It is more of a mindset, a feeling. When I was inpatient at the Portsmouth Naval
Hospital I felt like I was always on edge. Not only did I not want to be there, but
I
also never felt safe and there didn’t seem to be anyone, patient or staff, whom I could
trust.
My internal paranoia got fired up on a continual basis as did my preference to be
left
alone; choosing to stay in my room to read or sleep or to work on a puzzle on my
own
when I was forced to stay in the common
area.
I still zone out pretty frequently when I get overwhelmed or when I am
overtired.
Sometimes it happens when we are watching T.V. because I am not really into paying
attention. I think this might be because there are other things I would rather be
doing
besides watching the television. My brain doesn’t seem to be able to concentrate on
things for that long any more.
Guess it’s just something I’ll have to get used to.
328 of 1052