Page 285 - Total War on PTSD Final

have reported that they felt pushed away by the very individual they were trying to stay with. Being in that same situation myself, I have come to understand that those that are injured need to come to a level of peace with their injury, and that moment does not always come quickly. However, every moment that the patient delays in self-healing is a moment the spouse/mate feels being pushed away. Eventually, they can be pushed so far away that it becomes too far to bring them back. I have developed a set of rules that the patient can use to help maintain the relationship and possibly make it even stronger. As proof, I submit that my wife and I are still together, and all is well.
First, all couples whether married or not, need to perform an honest assessment of their relationship prior to making any major decisions regarding the future of the relationship. No major decisions should be made under the cloud of anger and fear. I recommend waiting three months or so. However, if the spouse/mate immediately says they will stay, the injured person needs to immediately accept that the spouse is dedicated and allow the spouse to be as active as part of the rehabilitation process as he/she is willing. The more engaged the partner is in the rehabilitation, the stronger the relationship becomes. Remember, it is easy to stand together when times are great, but it is the bonds formed during our struggles that have a more durable weave.
Secondly, realize and accept the power of support. Every successful endeavor was never accomplished alone. Every mountain climber who has reached the summit will tell you how wonderful their guide was. The person who holds the world record for reaching the top of Mount Everest is not a celebrated famous mountain climber, it is Kami Rita Sherpa — a local mountain guide. He has reached the summit 24 times, guiding other people to the top. During your rehab, that’s the kind of friend you need by your side.
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