Page 500 - Total War on PTSD Final

As he spoke about his battles with false guilt and identity, it was as if he was reading my very soul. So I decided to attend an event for training REBOOT leaders. I assumed I could sneak in and put on a good face as a leader while I checked out the program.
Within only a few minutes of the training, I realized that I couldn’t become a leader. In fact, I needed to be led. I needed help, so I registered for the upcoming REBOOT Combat Recovery course in Clarksville, Tennessee.
I remember walking into my REBOOT first meeting. Something struck me as strange. Everyone was smiling and seemed so freaking happy. What did they all have to smile about? Wasn’t this a combat trauma healing group? Aren’t we supposed to sit around and hear each other’s war stories and complain about the VA? But everyone seemed to be happy. It didn’t make sense!
Only a few weeks into the process, it started to dawn on me that I was healing. I was starting to address issues in my life that I had never exposed.
During Week 8, we discussed the cost of unforgiveness. For years, I had been carrying around a heart full of unforgiveness and bitterness. I was angry. I hated the enemy, I hated my cousin, and I hated myself. At the end of the lesson, we had the opportunity to come to the front and share the list of people we needed to forgive. I read through my list, which included my cousin and, most importantly, myself.
I took a pair of scissors and cut that card of names into pieces — and for the first time, I felt forgiveness. I felt joy. All of a sudden, I understood why everyone was smiling. They were free.
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