Page 1005 - Total War on PTSD

lodge in my brain. They had to go in, remove the broken piece, and try to close the hole as much as possible. The repair and healing of my injury took a toll on me, and I still have fluid leaking from my brain, but I never quit. I was in Germany for close to a year before I was sent home to deal with my injuries. I never let the fact that I might not ever walk again get me down.
When I returned from the war, I got married. My wife noticed that something was wrong with me. Not only was I broken up as hell physically, but I had post-traumatic stress disorder and a seizure disorder, too. The doctors gave me a crapload of pills to take, and taking them made me feel like a zombie all day. I needed a lot of physical therapy, and it was a lot of hard work. My body was a mess. My fractured vertebrae had developed “wedge deformities” that threw off my alignment and rubbed nerves, causing numbness, soreness, and shooting pain. Headaches from my multiple concussions developed suddenly and lasted for days. Sometimes I was afraid to move. Even opening my eyes in a lighted room could bring on stabbing pains. My mind was worse. Flashback, black thought, bad dreams. I woke up almost every night in a sweat, convinced I was back on the ground. That marriage did not last.
The defining state of PTSD is not fear. It is a misunderstanding. Psychologists describe it as 'fight or flight' because having PTSD is a super-aroused state normal people enter into when they are in danger. People with PTSD are always in survival mode, ready to fight or flee. For ordinary people it only lasts a few seconds. For people like me it's a permanent state. If people look at me twice, I see them as a threat. I am constantly acutely aware of the environment around me, and sights, smells and sounds are all potential triggers.
My fiancé is my Caregiver. She reminds me about my doctors’ appointments and when to take my medication. I have an alarm system on my watch that is set for eight in the morning and eight at night because I have certain medication that I have to take twice a day. Duke actually tells me ahead of time when I need to take my medication.
Family has always been the bedrock of my life. I didn't join the U.S. Army because of family issues or to escape. I joined because I wanted to join the Army ever since I was a boy. When I got back from Desert Storm, when everyone else was rushing to see their husbands, wives, children, boyfriends, girlfriends and parents. The only people I wanted to see were my parents.
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