Page 353 - Total War on PTSD

“For whatever we lose (like a you or a me), It’s always our self we find in the sea.” — E. E. Cummings
Courtenay: This may be an odd thing to talk about in a chapter on swimming and PTSD but it seems that this particular topic sparked a particular memory. Even though I know now that what I was doing was probable more form of self-isolation, or maybe just a craving for some quiet in a chaotic household full of kids, back then all I knew was that it was cool to hear the world, or at least my house...or at least not hear it...with most of my head immersed in warm bath water, safely locked behind the bathroom door.
I’d close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to scuba dive with sea turtles and fish all around me...bubbles floating towards the surface...my hands floating weightless in the water...sometimes fully immersing my head and seeing how long I could hold my breath while viewing the ceiling through the blurry water lens.
I didn’t feel quite the same way when I was at swim practice. It was still relaxing, don’t get me wrong...just not in the same way. I wasn’t alone anymore and it wasn’t as quiet anymore...it just didn’t ‘fit’ my personality and my preference of wanting to be alone.
353 of 1042