Page 558 - Total War on PTSD

“I call horses ‘divine mirrors’ — they reflect back the emotions you put in. If you put in love and respect and kindness and curiosity, the horse will return that.” – Allan Hamilton
Courtenay: Riding a horse...even being near a horse...for me...was a purely emotional and trust-provoking experience. Not only could I feel the horses excitement when I was close to him, and when I laid my hand on his side...with each rise and fall of his breath and every shift of his weight, but I also had to allow myself to trust him once I climbed up into the saddle.
I had already been trained to ride horses before I participated in the riding program in Portsmouth, but it seemed like a whole new experience because this last time I had ridden horses I didn’t have trust issues.
There did end up being one horse they kept trying to put me with that I ended up refusing to try to ride...but it wasn’t totally because of me. I found out later that the horse was new to the program, wasn’t used to the ‘routine,' and wasn’t properly broken in yet.
The reason I didn’t trust the horse is that I was standing next to him getting ready to mount up...and was holding his reins...and something, for some reason, spooked him. He reared up and nearly yanked my shoulder out of it’s socket and it was sore for weeks later.
His having done that was very unexpected and not easy to deal with, especially for someone like me who already had significant PTSD related trust issues. It wasn’t his fault...it was the fault of his not having the time to adjust to the training program.
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