Page 66 - Total War on PTSD

“Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.” - Gandhi
Courtenay: At one point I did obtain a competitive and challenging assignment as a leadership instructor. Especially given my particularly introverted nature. During my deployment to Afghanistan I was part of the Third Naval Construction Regiment (3NCR — Combat Engineers) and was ‘officially’ dubbed a Seabee. That particular assignment meant more to me that any other in my almost 15 years of service — and it was by far the most difficult.
After I returned home things remained difficult. I was numb. Numb to my emotions, feelings, and avoiding any unnecessary friendships because, if I didn’t, I would become more of a ‘target’ than I already felt I was. It’s like I didn’t, and sometimes still don’t, feel much of anything except frustration and anger. Knowing one less person meant less responsibility, less possibility of being hurt or rejected, and less effort — which was already hard to come by.
For whatever reason, I ended up having to do Weapons and Rollover Training halfway through my deployment to Afghanistan. This is especially important for people who are going off-base, but it was also a tic-mark on someone’s to-do list, and I should have gotten the training much sooner. I ended up having to do it on my own because I was a later than usual addition to the Regiment. I had the distinct please of hanging upside-down and, attempting to free myself from my restraints. Making things that much more difficult, but also more realistic I had on my full battle rattle, including a vest that was way too large for me (they didn’t have anything small
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