Page 747 - Total War on PTSD

My sleeping habits are erratic and there are times where I get up in the morning but I feel like I'm in a fog...like I didn't sleep well at all...or it just wasn't what is classified as 'sound' sleep. I don't know if it's because of the brain trying to heal itself, when I end up needing more sleep, or what it is, but there really isn't any rhyme or reason to it...to what you can expect to experience from one day to another. It's just one more thing you accept as a new norm, along with all the other things you deal with on a daily, and nightly, basis. I tell people, to try and help them to understand what we go through, I try to tell them about my past as compared to where I am now in my life and I explain to them what the difference actually is. For example, at one point in time I was able to speak nine languages and, when I went to college, I graduated with a 3.64 grade point average. When I was trying to become a Flight Medic, I had gone through all of the different practices; meaning that I completed cardiology, pulmonary, Gastro-intestine and Genitourinary Systems, Labor and Delivery, Pharmacology, Emergency Medicine, a small stint in Hyperbaric Chamber Medicine, and had a certification in Flight Physiology.
Now I can't even remember what I did yesterday sometimes. I remember things from a long time ago, back when my brain was functioning at full capacity, versus where it is now. I got to the point that I had to make peace with it and say, you know what, this is where I am and what it's about, what I have to deal with, what I have to be thankful for and what memories I do have. I can function, that's a good thing, but the doctors don't know how long I will remain functional. The nurse that comes here periodically said that I will get to the point where I can't manage myself, and I will need total care. It is what it is. They never really know what's going to happen so, until things start to deteriorated the point that I no longer know what's going on...I
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