Page 756 - Total War on PTSD

during Basic Training was with one of my friends...her friend sent the joint in a letter and we smoked it with the Drill Sergeant. But then I was drinking and making poor choices. So yes, my PTSD was an issue that started up while I was still in service.
I don't hate the military. I love Veterans and I love the whole idea of the brother and sisterhood and taking care of each other. It was always just one or two bad apples who always made it bad. I didn't report what happened to me because I knew two other girls that, in their minds, were willingly sleeping with the Drill Sergeant, and they admitted to it and were discharged as lesbians. At that point in time that meant a dishonorable discharge. So, they both got thrown out with no benefits. So, I knew I had legitimate injuries, and I saw the Drill Sergeant pretty much getting away with what he did, so I just decided to keep it to myself and pretend nothing happened.
I was dealing with MST...I had to rationalize in my mind that I felt it was okay for me to survive, but I didn't want it. I don't know why, but I always thought sexual assault sounded better than rape. When I went back through all that last summer at the VA, I started remembering things that I didn't recall previously. I was like "wow, I really didn't want this." But this guy convinced me that he would help me, that he was a man of God, that he'd be my mentor. But then I found out later when I caught him with somebody else and I was like "wow, what's going on here?" And I also found out that a couple girls were partying with the First Sergeant. There was just a whole bunch of stuff going on that I didn't even realize. I've been sober for like eight years now, and I've going to classes and learning about addiction and PTSD and hearing personal stories and I have gained a lot of insight. I think the reason I got my
756 of 1042