Page 776 - Total War on PTSD

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” - Soren Kierkegaard
Courtenay: As I walked towards the deck of the C-130 headed to Afghanistan, my posture reflected balancing my Seabag on my back and my backpack on my front. Hunched over turtle- like, when I leaned too far back, I felt off-balance, so I hunched forward despite significant discomfort in my back and neck because I knew I’d end up struggling on my back if I didn’t. Walking on the plane deck, I realized that despite the looming size of the C-130, it was far from empty and it had minimal space to spare. One of the metal platforms that was loaded with luggage kept shifting back and forth like it wasn’t properly secured, the metal making an decidedly uncomfortable clanking and scraping sound. There were two tall guys flanking my seat, which was created when they both realized they had to make room for me. Both of them had completely avoided making eye contact. I imagine they were hoping I would sit somewhere else. After sitting down and arranging my belongings, I tried to wiggle my way into the seat to create a little bit of comfort. Unfortunately, once I let my back rest on the webbing behind me, after placing my backpack on my lap, I realized just how uncomfortable I would be for the rest of the flight. To relieve some of my pain and discomfort, I periodically leaned forward and attempted to stretch out and release the kinks radiating in my back, neck and shoulders. There I sat with my eyes barely at their shoulder level, in a web cradle and it was damn near impossible for me to sit in any sort of comfort...especially since my butt kept falling asleep. My lower back and shoulders both radiated pain and I couldn’t move around enough to loosen them up. While shutting my eyes didn’t block out the noise, it did allow me a respite from the visual bombardment surrounding me. Those close by seemed more interested in sleeping or pretending
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