Page 828 - Total War on PTSD

“I'm an introvert...I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.” - Audrey Hepburn
Courtenay: In Kandahar, unexploded ordnance destruction and disposal was an ongoing activity and rarely did a day go by without my feeling the rumble of the explosions underfoot. The sensitivity to vibrations like this became another of my triggers once I returned home.
In close quarters, feeling the vibration of the engines from vehicles preparing to go on convoy was almost as bothersome as the sound and feeling of things being blown up. This included having large trucks driving on base that vibrated the ground, in close proximity to me and radiating in all directions.
My aversion to crowded bunkers and the reason I preferred to stand outside, next to the bunker, was partially because of my tendency to avoid close quarters. I also knew that, when comparing fortifications, the bunker was just as dangerous, if not more so, than the building with plywood walls where I worked. Searching for a distraction I looked at the lights above the bunker, they were only partially visible but provided me with some measure of distraction. The thick dust coated the bunker walls and floated in the air while sifting through thick rays of light above us.
At that time, like others, I wished that I was invisible so I wouldn’t have to interact with anyone and could go wherever I wanted. When walking to and from work I would always scan my surroundings and keep watch for anyone going the same direction, watching me, or coming towards me, regardless of nationality. There were way too many attacks on base for me to do otherwise and make myself a ready target.
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