Page 364 - WhyAsInY

Why (as in yaverbaum)
clock, and as the world is fascinated with the seamy side of things, this immense courtroom is constantly in motion and packed with druggies, thieves, prostitutes, and all manner of arrestees who come and go on no particular schedule, plus an army of lawyers, cops, court personnel, reporters, relatives, court groupies, hangers-on, and thrill seekers, most of whom seem to know the ropes. And then there would be Yaverbaum.
I knew that navigating through the process at 100 Centre Street required a guide, someone who understood the language, the proce- dures, the customs, and the idiosyncrasies that were sure to be unique to that court and foreign to me. My primary goal was, as it always is, to be perfect, but short of that, when reality sets in, not to make a fool of myself. Clearly, there was no one at Rosenman to turn to. We seldom got our hands dirty by attending such a low-level proceeding as a New York State Criminal Court arraignment. Walpin, a former Assistant U.S. Attorney, knew only the federal courts and, in any event, was not too cuddly when it came to helping out associates. But I realized that I had the best possible resource available if I could only reach my cousin Peter.
Peter had worked as a Legal Aid criminal defense attorney, and he obviously knew the ropes. I finally reached him at about 9:00 on the night before court, and, boy, was I lucky to have done so! Three key pieces of information came from our telephone conversation.
First, when you approach the bench with your client, the bailiff will say, “Note your appearance, counselor.” This does not mean that your fly is open. Give him your name and your firm’s name.
Second, the bailiff will next mumble something that sounds like “Way dareedin’ uhdarites?” What? What he’s saying is his version of “Do you waive the reading of the rights?” Say, “So waived.” Why? I’m from a big firm. We waive nothing. Okay, don’t waive, and you’ll then have to stand there with your client as the judge tells him that he has a right to counsel and that if he can’t afford one, the State of New York will provide one, free of charge. That will surely make your client feel well represented.
Finally, if you act like there’s some sort of defense that you can interpose, you may get an adjournment and, better yet, a chance to bar-
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