Page 393 - WhyAsInY

Portrait of a (first) MarriaGe
Harvey and Harry
But the deference paid to Sylvia was different from the deference that was paid to Harry. Sylvia did not seek deference from her children. She was lovely and loving, and respect flowed to her naturally. Harry, on the other hand, was a self-made man who surely deserved deference, but he also demanded it, and not always with subtlety. The family was run unashamedly as a tightly controlled patriarchy, and Harry, who was almost invariably cheerful and self-satisfied, enjoyed the central role. His seat was at the head of the table in many more ways than one.
I’ve come to understand that it was Harry, more than the Rebell family per se, who was a catalytic force in my divorce.
Harry was generally receptive and kind to me. He would often take me to his club, and we would play golf together. (He had provided les- sons for Phyllis and me, but she preferred to keep her nails long so that she could continue her guitar lessons; when she stopped her golf les- sons, I stopped mine.) Harry’s taking me to the club placed me in an alien and, at first, intimidating environment. It was one that I came to look forward to (for the golf), but his habit of taking me to the club was not without at least one downside. The first time that he took me for a round, he insisted that I take a steam with him when we were finished playing. I had never done such a thing, but it was always hard to say no to him—and I found the experience of walking naked and holding my father-in-law’s hand as he pulled me into the steam room less than delightful. Thereafter, I had to manufacture one excuse after the other when he would ask me to top off our play with a “schvitz.”
Over the years, I had only a few disquieting interactions with Harry, who was almost always congenial when he dealt with me one on one. When I did, however, they invariably involved money or power, and a condescending “I know best” attitude.
For instance, barely a month after I started at Rosenman, I was called into Max Freund’s office. I was shocked when the most senior partner showed me a copy of a federal tax levy that had been served on
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