Page 557 - WhyAsInY

sWeet sixteen
and scads of movies on laser discs (which were the predecessors of DVDs, which, in turn, were the predecessors of streaming), or just because, as parents, we were not only receptive, but we were far from strict or reactive. One of my favorite moments came when Rachel arrived with a head of hair that had been freshly dyed purple, hoping, I think, for a reaction and perhaps a fight about her rights, and I just sat and engaged in conversation with her and a friend of hers, saying abso- lutely nothing about her venture into garish independence. Even though Drano, John Pagoda’s band, with Dan on bass guitar and two other friends on drums and I forget what, was loud and not particularly great, we took pleasure in the fact that our basement was chosen for their practices and served as the stage for the debut of John’s legendary, but somewhat unsubtle, song about his recent teenage heartthrob breakup, “Die, Bitch!”
I believe that my laissez-faire attitude was shaped not just because I’m not big on rules and the fact that I strongly identify with kids, something that may have emanated from my days as a camp counselor, but also because, while we were all living together as a family, I knew that Dan and David were not my children and that it was not my job to discipline them. True, on the day we moved in, I carried a young David up to bed, hoping to stop his crying jag after he had fallen asleep under the coffee table in the library (worn out from sobbing), but I knew instinctively that playing the father role when the boys had their own father was totally inappropriate and something to be avoided. True also is the fact that from time to time I felt constrained to share wise, step- fatherly advice, which worked to their advantage: When, for example, Dan was trying to choose which one of about seven activities he had to elect to participate in during his Middlebury orientation week, I advo- cated canoeing, on the ground that that was the activity that was most likely to attract young ladies. Apparently, that advice worked like a charm; Dan was vastly outnumbered by the girls, many of whom became friends of his.
As Kathy’s boys will tell you, I may have had more rules with Peter and Rachel (albeit, not that many), but when it came to Dan and Dave,
• 539 •