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Why (as in yaverbaum)
for the first time, my grandfather opted instead for schnapps, saying in reference to the cognac, “This we will save for a very, very important occasion.”
A few years later, the first of the children became engaged, and my grandmother once again reminded my grandfather of the cognac, say- ing, “How many times will we have a marriage to celebrate?” Again my grandfather opted for schnapps and stressed that, while he did not intend to belittle the importance of the engagement, they did have other chil- dren and hopefully would have other engagements to celebrate. Therefore: “This we will save. . . .”
That type of exchange apparently took place many times during my grandfather’s lifetime. He died when he was still a young man—in his fifties, I believe—and, as you might have expected, the family had never opened the cognac in his lifetime. On the occasion of his first Yahrzeit (the anniversary, on the Jewish calendar, of his passing), after the Mourner’s Kaddish had been recited, my grandmother had the fam- ily share their remembrances of her husband, their father, and after the tears had turned to smiles as funny experiences with him were recounted, it occurred to my grandmother that it was now time to celebrate the memory of a special man with a special toast in his honor. She there- upon got out the glasses and sent her son, my uncle Albert, to the liquor cabinet to find my grandfather’s cognac bottle. He disappeared to carry out his mission, but when he ultimately returned to the table, there was an expression of unease and concern on his face. Rather than lifting the bottle to start to pour the celebratory drinks, he had to turn to Grandma and tell her, reluctantly, “Mom, the bottle is empty.”
My father was clearly gripped by the poignancy of the story and wished to impart a life lesson to me, one that he never really spelled out but one that he believed that I understood. The primary message could not have been just that one should not postpone gratification. My father didn’t “live for the moment,” and he certainly did not advocate that approach to life. (Unfortunately, in my eyes, he and my mother spent far too much time postponing gratifications to which they were clearly entitled.) The idea that one should enjoy and celebrate was certainly
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