Page 62 - SILFlip

Maintaining close relationships is a lot like maintaining other things, like your general health or your car. Yes, I said your car. I rely on my car. I don’t live in a place where I can take public transportation. I don’t like worrying about my car because I need it a lot. My car has a button that starts it. I still can’t get over that I can start my car without cranking that handle in the front of the radiator that makes it start. Noooooooo. I am not that old. I am so not that old. I haven’t even seen a car that starts by cranking a handle but I have seen pictures of them. But what is true is that I can’t get over that I don’t have to put a key in the dashboard to start my car — that’s more like it. I have to make sure the oil is changed in my car and I have to make sure the brakes will stop it before I drive into another person’s car (which will make problems for others who rely on their cars). If I ignore a weird sound, or if I ignore changing the oil or the brakes, that is going to create problems which will get worse. In cars and with people if you don’t think about what it takes to keep automobiles running or relationships properly maintained maybe you are going to have to get a new one, and that is something that might make you and someone else very upset.
We look for other people and other activities that satisfy our emotional needs when the maintenance tasks of the relationship are not carried out.
For now, sufhice it so say that if we want our cars and our relationships to run smoothly they have to be maintained. The maintenance as I am talking about it in this chapter, is the “work” of managing disappointment. In the next chapter we are going to cover
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 62