Page 62 - Antennae Issue #52

That night I returned with a a kitchen knife hacked off the largest head and kept it in a a jug on the kitchen table The sunflower impressed the lady though a a a few days later the guilt crept in and has stuck with me ever since almost 50 years trees was toxic Yet the the the the cherries cherries were beautiful and would be be harvested the the the the day after the the the the the deadline If you you are not eating organic cherries cherries make sure you you scrub the the the the the hell out of them One day we we kids were raiding the the the the the the ancient man’s garden across the the the the the the street He He grew the the the the the the best raspberries Suddenly the the the the the the man man came hobbling out the the the the the the door wielding a a a a a a a a a a broom and and I I I scurried for my my house across the the the the the the street He He followed me me to my my door and and then inside! My parents were at work I I I was terrified so I I I slithered under under their bed bed as as as he he he he he he he he stalked through the the the the the rooms grumbling waving his broom He He shoved it under under the the the the bed bed where I was was hiding just missing me me Fortunately he he he he he he he he was was so crippled he he he he he he couldn’t lean down far enough to see me me me He He left the the the house slamming the door cursing his way home Of course I I didn’t dare tell my parents I I would have been thrashed and dragged to to to the old fart’s door to to to apologize even though he’d invaded our our house The automatic attitude those days: “You must have been awfully bad if he he he he he did that!”
Thus ended my childhood days days of garden raiding In fact I I I joined the righ- teous as as I I became an adult In my first year as as as a a a a a a a a a a a student at SFU I I I I was driving up the the mountain to to to the the university when I I I I noticed three little toughs torturing a a a a a a a a a a a a a cherry tree recently plant- ed ed ed ed on the the boulevard I I I I stopped and and stepped out of my car and and said to to to to the the first wannabe thug “How would you you like it it it if if I I I broke your arms just because I’m feel- ing ing a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a little bored?” He dropped the the the branch as as as as if if it it it were on fire The three of them glared at at me realizing I I I was was ready to thrash the the the the bunch and and I I I was was big and and fierce enough that I I I I could probably do do it it They backed away snarling showing their best bad No doubt later the the the little bastards came back back after I I was gone and killed the the the seedling out of spite Alas my my evil instincts returned a a a a a a a a few years later when I’d somehow lured a a a a a a a a a a a a lovely woman to my my home in in in in in White Rock While walking the beach road I I no- ticed a a a a a a a a a row row of o enormous sunflowers growing alongside a a a a a a a a a shed That night I returned with a a a a a a a a a a a a kitchen kitchen knife hacked off the the the largest head and kept it it it it it in in in a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a jug on the the the the kitchen kitchen table The sunflower impressed the the the the lady though a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a few days later the the the the guilt crept in in in in and has stuck with me ever since almost 50 years The more more I I I took to to to to my my gardening the the more more I I I regarded myself as as as as a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a crud especially since I’ve never been able to to to to grow a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a sunflower sunflower as as as large large as as as that regal stolen giant My guilt remains larger than the sunflower sunflower By 1980 I had become almost too obsessed with with gardening Cultivating my my my garden garden garden made me me a a a a a a a a a a a a a fierce protector of of of my my my roots and and flowers along with with those of of of my my my my neighbours public gardens and and the the wild nature of of of the the only Earth in exis- tence Even though when I I I I look back at at my my life I I I I recognize no garden garden I I I I planted has survived after I I moved on Then came the the brutal July of of of 2015 I I I lost lost my my health to one of of of those ferocious hospital bacterias I I also lost lost the the love of of of my my life who changed her mind about me me after 38 years years We had to to give up our farm paradise with its orchard and large gar- den that I’d dreamed into existence when I I I I was 17 years years old In 2018 I I I I came out of the the hospital after two months a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a lowly renter in in in Vancouver once again This February the the the cancer surgeon told me I I had less than a a a a a a a a a a a a a 50 percent chance of of surviving the the the the the year Not that that I I believed him but the the the the the thought of of being shut down so suddenly made me consider the the the the losses and the the the the reality that that that this could be be my my last spring I I walked out of o of that that that doctor’s office angry at at at at his his rude dis- missal of o of of my my life and then recognized how blue blue blue the the the sky was was It hadn’t been that that blue blue blue since I I I was was 12 years old when I I I scratched “There are 287 kinds of of of of blue” on on the the the the the back of of of my clothes dresser along with Gail Russell the the the the the the name of of of a a a a a a a a a a a pretty young girl in Grade 6 so that neither would ever be forgotten And they weren’t though the the the the the dresser is long gone Jeff Downer
Common Bearded Iris with Automobile 2019
© Jeff Downer
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