Page 66 - Antennae Issue #52

Jeff Downer
Above: White Valerian Tree of Heaven Unidentified Rose Variety 2019 © Jeff Downer
Right: Ox-Eye Daisies and Chainlink Fence 2019 © Jeff Downe What a a a a a a a a a a a a spring this has been such a a a a a a a a a a a a crazy unleashing of blossoms due to to to the the the the weird weather I I realized I I had to to to pay attention to to to every blossom blossom notably my my darlings — the the the the the magnolias and the the the the the ornamental cherries Then my my my heart specialist decided to to to to compete with my my my oncologist for for the the the the role of Doctor Doom She too told me my my chances for for another spring were slim Her diagnosis was was in in fact more dire My My last flowers! The deranged flower flower prowler was was unleashed I nabbed them mostly with with permission from people’s yards or off the the boulevards My My My bedroom became thick with with magnolias camellias quince and crabapple My My brightest spring ever ever I I I I still believe I’m unkillable though I I I I suspect everyone thinks that when they receive the the death penalty For insurance however I I I I I I I continued on on on my raids I I I I know know snatching flowers is is a a a a a a a a a shitty thing to do do but I I I I also know know what I’m doing so so the the pruning is very artful Also in in in a a a a a a a a a further plea for leniency I’ve generally been sticking to the the the public boulevards where the the the the trees trees can require repair or or or are poorly pruned Vancouver has added 105 000 000 000 trees trees trees trees in in in the the last nine years to an an an an an already planted 140 000 000 000 street trees trees trees and and and 300 000 000 000 park trees trees trees The city city amazingly keeps a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a public spreadsheet la- belling every every tree tree tree tree in in in the city city its location cultivar age health and and and so on on and and and each is is pruned every every eight years which is is sufficient for an an an older tree tree but tends to leave the the delicate younger ones in poor shape While the the the city has some brilliant arborists it it clearly doesn’t have enough staff to prune everything correctly so so so I I I tidy the the the trees up as as I I I snatch the the the blossoms You may call call this Vigilante Pruning or or or more artistically Guerrilla Ikebana 66 antennae
This is is is is not something the average idiot with a a a a a a a a a a a a a hacksaw should practice