Page 111 - History of the STGA

We have our own coach and driver, John Allan, for excursions mainly to houses etc. not normally open to the public and everything is included in the cost, even wines (an excellent selection). The crew is ever cheerful and I'm spoilt something rotten. I also do some guiding!
‘Preparation for the first trip involved hours of train riding, checking points of interest one side out, a quick tum round and the other side back. Time values vanished - I once tried to get lunch at Kyle of Lochalsh at 10.30am. No guidebooks equal private, peronal visits as we have to be prepared to guide anywhere if our hosts are absent, so that needed a day per castle.
‘The train leaves on a Tuesday, returning on the next Monday, so it does not need an Ein- stein to work out that makes a seven day week. By now THEY realised that the crew had no free time, there was more to guiding than - "Yes I think that's Loch Lomond" and besides, passengers paying almost £400 a day expected more than a guidebook. I became a fixture. Week after week it was a dash home, wash and iron 5 blouses etc., do hair, read mail, groan at garden, say hello to dog, pig and husband (usually in that order) and dash back.’
Blood and Guts
By Keith Laing
‘I had been guiding and driver guiding for some time round Scotland, England, Wales, Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland and in 1985 my wife had an operation that didn't go to plan so I was going to be working more at home. An old friend, Ann Lister, suggested that I try doing City tours and I made a few inquires but discovered that most companies wanted professional Scottish Tourist Guides so I approached Ann and asked her about becoming a Scottish tourist Guide.
‘She put my name forward and I was accepted onto the course which cost £100. I studied, went to the lectures and followed everything that was going on. While I was doing this I worked as a relief driver doing City tours with some of the best guides that there were at the time. People like Archie Roy and his wife Maureen Roy, Isobel Lennie, Jimmy Hay, Archie Syme and Tommy Patterson (delete people) taught me a lot about Edinburgh and I also learned some things that I did not know about other parts of Scotland while driving coaches to various places.
‘When I received my Blue Badge and became a Scottish Tourist Guide I was asked to do some City tours for Archie and Maureen and I enjoyed chatting to people from other countries and created my own style of guiding which was more entertaining than giving the groups facts and figures. I found that slightly risqué (e acute – I don’t know how to insert that on my keyboard) stories went down well with the older groups but the young ones wanted Blood and Guts stories.
‘I remember one student group back in 1995 who were bored from listening to their teachers droning on about history and dates. ‘I was to take them to Edinburgh Castle and while standing on the Esplanade waiting for the teacher to get the tickets I started to tell them about the front of the castle and the statues of King Robert the Bruce and William Wallace. As soon as I started I noticed that they all seemed to go into a state of blankness. There was no interest there and I thought I am wasting my time but chose to continue and add a bit of colour to the story.
‘Getting to the end of the tale I changed the truth for some excitement and rather than just say he was executed I explained in graphic detail with actions how he was hung by his neck till he was almost dead, then he was cut down and had whisky poured down his throat to revive him. When he started to cough and splutter they cut him open right down the middle and drew out his innards and boiled them in front of him while he was still alive and then just to finish him off they cut his head off and placed it on a spike. By then he was dead but his memory lives on. I looked round at the group and there were a few green faces and lots of
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