Page 33 - Demo

anything. I’d just stay in bed and listen to you read over the phone. Those were the few times when sleeping came easy. But I still felt the distance.
I don’t want you to know about me. You can never nd me alone, but now I am. It’s hard to be alone. Maybe I’ll forget you. You appear there in my mind, but you stay there, reminding me. I can’t connect with anyone else. Everyone else has closed me o from their loop—I think. Maybe I know. I really can’t say for sure.
Yes, I can. I see it.
But you keep texting and calling me, including
me—telling me about your day, week, month and the new books you’ve read, the things you do, your future.
One time you shared a video of the lake even when it was cold out. Gentle but unhesitant waves hit the shore, like the water remembered where it’s been but not quite exactly.
It’s half like you and half like me. The half of me where I remember you being here with me, but you were actually all the way over there—there, being the place I wish I was, sometimes.
I promised you forever once ... maybe twice ... no, I brought it up several times. It seemed like a fantasy,
a dream. I thought if I ever reached it, I would be the happiest—seeing you everyday, you being my muse, me being yours. I left it again, that dream. It’s a process, and I don’t think it’ll ever stop. I am at the forgetting
stage again. You’ve gotten there too, sometimes. Like the last time I called you.
“Hey, it’s me. Call me back.”
And you know how easy it was for you to get back to remembering me, even when I see you hesitate. You might be stronger than me.
“Well, I gotta go, but please call me back.”
I could never take the distance. So, I try to forget you while you come close to actually letting go. There’s a di erence in forgetting and letting go. Maybe there’s strength in letting go. Maybe that’s why I keep coming back. I just want to keep you where I am. Limbo.
“Alright, bye.”
But you won. And now, I play back the voicemails you left when you used to be here.
“YOU HAVE 10 OPENED VOICEMAILS. PRESS 1 TO REPEAT, OR PRESS 2 FOR MORE OPTIONS.”
BEEEEEP.
“Hey, babe, it’s me.” It’s like you never left.
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