Page 27 - Provoke Magazine Vol1

FROM VICTIM TO SURVIVOR
Part I
My story rises with the fall of a marriage that some think should have never happened. After 8 years of marriage my parents came to a point where divorce was the only option for them. As a 7 year old boy all I knew was that mom was moving to a new place and dad wasn’t coming with us. I remember the last day in the house I had grown up in to that point. I was telling my dad goodbye. The house was empty except a mattress in the floor of the living room that my dad was using for a bed. As he hugged my sister and I the only thing I could think is why is my dad was not coming with us. As we left the house and headed to our new home I was confused and had a million questions and didn’t know how or what to ask. One thing that never crossed my mind was this was only the beginning to a hell that would leave me torn and filled with questions that a child should never have to ask and a fear that no child should ever have to face.
With what seemed to be forever I was finally able to go spend time with my dad. He had moved in with his brother, my favorite uncle. I loved going over there on the weekends and spending time with my dad and seeing my aunt, uncle and cousin. I remember playing cops and robbers in the house using pirate style cap guns. This was the first place I had seen a rubix cube or rechargeable batteries. My cousin was 8 years older than me and he had all kinds of cool stuff. I had a blast when I was there. When it was time to go home I wanted to stay but for reasons still unknown to me at the time I couldn’t.
I looked forward to when my dad would pick my sister and I up and we would head to my uncle’s house. One Friday in particular I remember being really excited. My birthday was coming up in a two or three weeks and I was excited about discussing plans and what I wanted. The day was normal and I had fun as usual. That evening we started getting ready for bed. My sister took her bath and headed to my dad’s room and I took mine and headed to my cousin’s room. Dad came in and told us good- night and I laid my head down and went to sleep. This was the last night that I would sleep peacefully and free.
In the middle of the night I woke up and my cousin was laying next to me with his arm around me caressing me like a man does to his woman. He kissed my cheek and told me to be quiet or we would get in trouble. He started touching me and pressing his body against me. I remember feeling scared and I didn’t know if my dad would come in and see what was happening and give me a whooping because I knew that this was not something I was supposed to be doing. I didn’t understand why my cousin was touching me like this because boys didn’t kiss boys and I knew
nobody was supposed to touch my privates. I remember feeling his hand kept hitting the back of my upper leg just below my butt. It wasn’t until later that I knew he was masturbating while he was touching me. When he was done he told me to get out of his bed and get on the floor.
The next morning we woke up and he reminded me again that I would get in trouble if my dad knew we were up late “playing”. I was tired but didn’t want to show it because dad would think I was up late when I was supposed to be sleeping. The day went as normal. Come bed time I was scared but I returned to my cousins room to go to sleep. I hoped that what happened the night before was only a one time thing, but it was not. It was an exact replica.
My birthday fell on a Saturday that year. It was my moms weekend.
We had a small little party just mom, dad and sister. My mom made a homemade pizza and I believe dad brought the cake. I got a GI Joe from dad and a card. It was so awesome to be around mom and dad again. I remember hoping that he wouldn’t leave and that we could be a family again. The weekends at my uncle’s house had become less fun now. After they sang happy birthday and we had cake and ice cream dad left and life carried on as normal.
As bad as it was to be touched I wish I could say that it stopped at touch- ing. I wish I could say that was the extent of what he wanted to do, but I can’t. In my uncle’s backyard he had a partially built treehouse. No walls or roof just what would have been a floor. I had been up there a few times and liked being up there looking down. One afternoon my cousin said let’s go up there and hide from my sister. I went along. When we got up there he started touching me and rubbing himself. He said I want to show you something. He unzipped his pants and exposed himself. He said “I can make it squirt but I need your help.” He told me to put my mouth on it. I said no and wanted to get down. I told him I was going to tell my dad. He grabbed me and held me halfway over the edge and told me if I told he would push me off. I promised not to tell and I did what he told me to and he showed me how he could make it squirt. I was hor- rified and disgusted. All I wanted to do was throw up. This was the point where the molestation turned in to rape. Oral sodomy was the new level of abuse and a new level of fear. I was scared of what could happen next.
Michael Wall Provokeusmag.com 27