Page 20 - Haruspex

Thirty Degrees of Bullshit (In the style of Janduz)
I. THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES
II. THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES
III. Finally, a child cries out, “But he isn’t wearing anything at all!”
IV. Said child is dragged through the sewer, locked in a cage, and belittled for likes.
V. The Prophet’s orders an instant of laughter. To maintain the effect, the child has been
desecrated, one ear of which has been pried off and put in a cup of water.
VI. Then, at last, the child is released, ashamed and shunned by the whole population.
VII. The Emperor continues, ”Cock ”skins are not an item of clothing. On the contrary, they are a
state of mind. A mind of being.
VIII. & we make a wooden sign and our !ags !y through the air, a sort of illusion for the spaces
about to be withheld.
IX. A family taken from an attic closet near 3am.
X. Buried, the bones there mixed with his mud, pockmarked with rubies.
XI. Take the same symbols of those who resist and place them on a pillar in front of the town hall,
the ring circle, the treasury and other places.
XII. Place a pot of sand on the top of every !ag.
XIII.The Emperor has no clothes. The Emperor wears nothing but his !esh.
XIV. Those closest partake of the sweat, curlicues of skin which bridge between pointer $nger and
middle; the scrap removed from web becomes sacrament.
XV. A ten year old shot through the heart.
XVI. A !ag draped around a king under !uorescent gold lamps.
XVII. A towel wrapped around a pox-marked infant.
XVIII. A pistol, a light ri!e, a spy, an ace, a couple of golf balls ,a shotgun, a giant's bazooka, a
bundle of gunpowder, a hand-broom, and two dozen dogs.
XIX. The streets are full of boys with swords, or oversized sex-toys.
XX. Three hundred feet of chain, fashioned into a hat. The emperor has clothes.
XXI. Fifty billy clubs in assorted colors and adorned with Fortune 5oo company decals.
XXII. "Jesus don't make me do it.”
XXIII. Spiritual texts taken out of context.
XXIV. A pile of the emperor's unopened albums.
XXV. Two humans using spades to dig under a wall while other humans prepare to shoot them. XXVI. “Sire, to me it matters not whose son I am, therefore I tell you that you are riding without
any clothes.' On this the King commenced beating him.”
XXVII. Two hundred men in costumes and fancy, but not fancy matching out$ts; cocaine faint on
trimmed nose hairs.
XXVIII. A $eld of drones ready to be deployed. Someone baking a pie for Sunday dinner. XXIX. The emperor has no clothes, knows it, and gives zero fucks.
XXX. Buy one get one free hummus.